What If a Band's Name Was a Description?

 

A simple tweet from @BryanONolan has sent me running and screaming into list-making mode:

Name a band whose concerts would be bizarre if, instead of the band, what was on stage was the thing the band is called.

Picture in your mind, if you will...

Red Hot Chili Peppers

Rolling Stones

Doors

Guns N Roses

Smashing Pumpkins

Scorpions

Heart

Nine Inch Nails

White Stripes

Cranberries

Eagles

Buddy Holly & the Crickets

Bill Haley & the Comets

Cream

Gerry & the Pacemakers

Vanilla Fudge

Iron Butterfly

Dead Kennedys

A Flock of Seagulls

and

one you should NOT picture in your mind

Barenaked Ladies

Personification of Evil Clad with an Azure Kimono: The 428th Greatest Song of All Time

 

You kinda have to wonder about the editors at Rolling Stone when they put a song on their 500 Greatest Songs of All Time list that is really a medley of two songs. I mean...is that kind of an unfair advantage?

In any case, Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels made the list with the two-song medley, "Devil With a Blue Dress On / Good Golly Miss Molly," which made Number 4 on the Billboard Hot 100 in 1966.

It's a good thing that slash is in the title. If it weren't, we might have been cursed with a song called "Good Devil With Miss Blue Molly on a Guess Dolly," and I'm pretty sure the world wasn't ready for something like that.

Speaking of cultural readiness, the actual version of the song probably wouldn't fly in today's hyper-sensitive, chauvinism-phobic, what-did-you-just-call-me atmosphere. 

Just because a female has tattoos, a wig that matches her shades, high-heeled shoes, and an alligator hat is no reason to label her a devil.

Of course, at this point, is calling someone a devil considered an insult or a compliment?

I'm so easily confused.

Oh, the Irresistible!

 

Because I practically live on social media, I have become quite adept at scrolling past most posts that FaceBook calls "Suggested for You." They are all attempts at fame and/or fortune that rarely have anything of value to add to my existence.

That practice of ignoring commercial or self-promoting messages makes it really hard for businesses and individuals to command the attention of potential customers. So much so, that some companies specialize in offering their services to help other companies become more noticed and less ignored.

Take for instance this ad:

It's pretty ironic that I scrolled right past it, right?

How Sick WAS That Pig?

 

One of my duties at FastStop, the gas station/convenience store/tobacco emporium I spend 14 hours a week at, is to stock the shelves with food items.

And when I say "food items," I am referring to things that corporate headquarters actually expect human beings to place in their mouths and swallow, whether for sustenance or pleasure.

One of those food items I frequently place on our store's shelves is dead pig meat.

Well, the marketing department at Oscar Mayer has devised a more-pleasant moniker and has labeled it ham.

The thing that concerns me is the required adjective in front of that term. Apparently, the pig this meat came from had some kind of disease that the finest vets in the nation could not conquer.

And I'm expected to eat this stuff?