It...That...Who Cares?: The 431st Greatest Song of All Time

 

Have you ever heard of a song having an identity problem?

Well I have, and its the first big crossover hit by Fats Domino, "Ain't It a Shame."

Right away, I'm pretty sure you're thinking I've made a mistake with that title. I'm pretty sure that you're pretty sure the song is actually "Ain't THAT a Shame."

And who could blame you, what with words like this:

You made me cry

when you said, "goodbye"

Ain't that a shame?

My tears fell like rain.

Ain't that a shame?

You're the one to blame.

According to azlyrics.com and the ears of anyone who has ever listened to Mr. Domino's record, those are the actual words.

However...

The actual title is "Ain't It a Shame."

IT??!?

The word it doesn't appear in the song.

Ever.

At all.

However...

The actual title is "Ain't It a Shame."

I guess if the song says its title includes it instead of that, then that will just have to do.

I mean...it will have to do.

And that's that.

Toilet Troubles

 

Over the summer months, Beloved and I took a few quick trips out of state. We had wonderful visits with family and friends.

However...

I encountered a couple public restrooms with signage that could easily qualify as Observed Absurdities™.

Behold:

I know this looks like a simple case of wanting to protect plumbing and keep the janitorial staff happy. What you can't know by just looking at this sign is that it was posted in an outhouse...a permanent pit toilet...a non-flushable hole in the ground with a seat. My first thought when I saw this was that "extremely difficult" doesn't really speak to the heart of the matter. How about "extremely disgusting" or "gross to the nth degree"?

Talk about restricted access! I'm pretty sure I've NEVER seen a disabled, elderly, pregnant child. 

I Have a Hate-Hate Relationship With Exercise

 

In a fit of all-too-fleeting health consciousness, I purchased lifetime access to an online exercise instruction site that promised to be quick and easy with short periods of high-intensity energy output interspersed with longer periods of low-impact activity. It sounded doable and was a reasonable price.

It also was a waste of my money.

But to be honest, it's not their fault, it's mine. When it comes to exercise regimens, I am about as unregimented as they come. Just can't turn it into a habit.

I've owned it for close to a year now and have never done anything beyond the 3-minute warm-up section. Of course, just that is enough to get me breathing with some effort and sweating with some gusto.

I can't seem to get beyond some of the goofy things the instructor says in an attempt to be encouraging:

"Awesome work."  -  Pretty sure you have no clue as to the quality of the work I'm doing.

"Really make sure that you're always breathing."  -  I'm paying for this stellar advice?

"Your back should be getting a little bit warmer here."  -  Oh yeah? And maybe your face should be getting out of mine right about now.

"Feel your core warming up as you pull your belly button in toward your spine."  -  If I could pull my belly button toward my spine, I wouldn't need to be exercising!

Still...I've heard that laughing has some of the same aerobic benefits as a good workout, so maybe this is helping after all.

Midnight Train to Frustration

 

It's hard to say anything negative about the 432nd greatest song of all time as recorded by Gladys Knight and the Pips, "Midnight Train to Georgia."

EXCEPT...

What if you read the lyric and think about Gladys trying to tell this fairly straightforward story of a guy who tried to make it in the big city but gives up, buys a ticket to go back home to Georgia, and his girlfriend makes the choice to uproot her life and follow him into the Deep South. It's a romantic tale, and Gladys wants her listeners to feel what she's feeling...but these three guys keep grabbing the mic from her and mouthing off in the middle of her sentences:

L.A. proved too much for the man
(Too much for the man, he couldn't make it)
So he's leaving a life he's come to know, ooh
(He said he's going)
He said he's going back to find
(Going back to find)
Ooh, what's left of his world
The world he left behind not so long ago

He's leaving
(Leaving)
On that midnight train to Georgia, yeah
(Leaving on the midnight train)
Said he's going back
(Going back to find)
To a simpler place and time, oh yes he is
(Whenever he takes that ride, guess who's gonna be right by his side)
I'll be with him
(I know you will)
On that midnight train to Georgia
(Leaving on a midnight train to Georgia, woo woo)
I'd rather live in his world
(Live in his world)
Than live without him in mine
(Her world is his, his and hers alone)

He kept dreaming
(Dreaming)
Ooh, that someday he'd be a star
(A superstar, but he didn't get far)
But he sure found out the hard way
That dreams don't always come true, oh no, uh uh
(Dreams don't always come true, uh uh, no, uh uh)

Gladys: Will you just shut the farnsworth UP?!!?