Kart Rest: Fun With Star Trek Anagrams

 

All this week, over at the Almost the Truth™ Publishing Facebook page, we've been referencing 1966's answer to 1936's Flash Gordon, a little barely-noticed television show called Star Trek.

What better way to cap off the silliness than to revisit a linguistic game we haven't done for a while and see what odd or ironic phrases can be formed using the letters in Star-Trek-related names?

William Shatner ... Will is Earthman

Captain Kirk ... Tick in parka

Leonard Nimoy ... I'm only a drone

Mister Spock ... Mocks priest

DeForest Kelley ... Re: old fleet keys

Doctor McCoy ... Coy cot, Mr. Cod

Nichelle Nichols ... I clench hellions

Lt. Uhura ... Hula rut

James Doohan ... Has Jan mooed?

Montgomery Scott ... Cottony Grommets

George Takei ... Go, irate geek!

Hikaru Sulu ... Risk uh luau

Walter Koenig ... To age, wrinkle

Ensign Chekov ... No hecks given

Gambling Leads to Murder: Film at Eleven

 

The World Wide Wackfest tells me the 456th greatest song of all time is "Stagger Lee" by Lloyd Price and that it is a folk song based on an actual homicide around Christmas of 1895 in St. Louis.

Without the early R&B backbeat and the background vocalists' incessant chanting of "Oh Stagger Lee," it does sound a bit like breaking news, starting with a short weather report:

The night was clear and the moon was yellow and the leaves came tumbling down. I was standing on the corner when I heard my bulldog bark. He was barkin' at the two men who were gamblin' in the dark.

It was Stagger Lee and Billy; two men who gambled late. Stagger Lee threw seven, Billy swore that he threw eight.

Stagger Lee told Billy, "I can't let you go with that. You have won all my money and my brand new Stetson hat."

Stagger Lee went home and he got his forty-four; said, "I'm goin' to the barroom just to pay that debt I owe."

Stagger Lee went to the barroom and he stood across the barroom door. He said, "Nobody move!" and he pulled his forty-four.

"Stagger Lee!" cried Billy, "Oh, please don't take my life! I've got three little children and a very sickly wife."

Stagger Lee shot Billy. Oh, he shot that poor boy so bad 'till the bullet came through Billy and it broke the bartender's glass.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

But hey, it's got a good beat and is easy to dance to. I give it an 80.

I'm a Winner!

 

For those not in the know, I have been "between contracts" since the end of July. Not to worry, though, as the combination of Beloved's job, my part-time hours at FastStop, unemployment payments, and eating nothing but saltines and peanut butter have gotten us through quite nicely.

Still, imagine my barely-contained excitement to receive a piece of first-class mail from Publisher's Clearing House declaring that I'm a winner!

I mean, Publisher's Clearing House, former home of Ed McMahon and creator of millionaires, sent a real, live, depositable check to little ol' me!

Finally, my years of clicking through list after list of kitchen gadgets, towels so soft you can't tell you're touching them, CD compilations of country music's most-loved classics, and magazines no one has ever heard of...finally...it's all paying off.

Imagine how my fingers were trembling to the point of ineffectiveness as I carefully tore open the envelope.

Imagine my breathless anticipation as I gripped the check between my forefinger and thumb and gently brought it to the light of day.

Imagine my shock and amazement as I read the printing on that precious piece of paper: "PAY TO THE ORDER OF MR DUANE ROTH...$5.00."

I spent 45 minutes fruitlessly searching the envelope for a bunch of missing zeros.

Varied V Words

 

A limited volume of entries from Almost the Dictionary: The Almost the Truth™ Dictionary of What Words Ought to Actually Mean: A Lexicon for Parallel Thinkers.

Vacancies (n)  -  Can-producing factories in Virginia

Vacate (phrase)  -  Answer to the question, "What did the vacuum do with my sock?"

Vacation (n)  -  A period of rest and relaxation after which one must go back to work in order to rest and relax

Vaccine (n)  -  A monthly periodical about Hoover, Bissell, and Dyson

Vacuous (adj)  -  Describing an event or activity that really sucks

Vagabond (n)  -  An investment security for the benefit of wanderers

Vagaries (n)  -  Like groceries, but with feminine hygiene products

Vagrant (n)  -  A bombastic declaration about the female anatomy

Vanish (adj)  -  Having some characteristics similar to a van

VULGAR (acronym)  -  Very Ugly Language Geared Against Righteousness