Thankful Thoughts

• The negative effects of a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese^® are not immediate, which helps me to ignore them while enjoying a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese^®.
• The law of gravity didn't require a two-thirds majority in order to pass.
• Nobody REALLY cares whether it's pronounced kyoo-pon or coo-pon.
• BabySister opened my mind to the wonderfulness that is Skyline Chili^® poured over macaroni and cheese.
• Dog hair isn't carcinogenic.
• Dairy Queen Blizzards^® are exponentially more enjoyable than meteorological blizzards.
• No one seems to be protesting the obviously-restrictive/repressive order in which children are forced to memorize the letters of the alphabet. (It's nice to know at least SOME things are safe from the "Come on, it's the 21st Century" line of reasoning.)
• The foreheads of humans do not feature a scrolling news ticker based on what lurks within.

A Bevy of Bogus B Words

An itsy-bitsy bit of Almost the Dictionary: The Almost the Truth™ Dictionary of What Words Ought to Actually Mean: A Lexicon for Parallel Thinkers.

Baboon (adj)  -  The opposite of babooff

Babyhood (n)  -  A pre-juvenile delinquent

Babyproof (n)  -  Generic equivalent of e.p.t. and First Response pregnancy tests

Backdate (n)  -  An evening of social interaction so enjoyable as to be repeated

Backfire (v)  -  To bring one's employment to an end before they have even been hired

Backslap (v)  -  Supports the front of a person's thighs when said person is in a seated position

Backspace (n)  -  Rate of speed when in reverse

Burst (n)  -  A chilly avenue

Byte (v)  -  To cut, wound, tear, gryp, or hold wyth the teeth

Byzantine (n)  -  An antiseptic spray for residents of Constantinople in the Middle Ages

A Robot's Attempt to Inspire

Good old InspiroBot.me. Where else could a person go to have a robot randomly create those inspiring quote posters that literature teachers love so much?

Here's a new batch to help you reach a higher standard of self-awareness and tranquility.

And my favorite one because of the particular pairing of image and idea...

Van Morrison Is Almost Philosophical

Mention Van Morrison and the normal person of a certain age will think of one of two songs, either "Moondance" or "Brown-Eyed Girl"...neither of which would dare show up as low as 480 on Rolling Stone's list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time.

Nooooo...

THAT honor is reserved for "Into the Mystic," which I didn't recognize by title, so I had to do a teeny-tiny search on YouTube.

Two things I need to say about listening to this song for the very first time:

     1.  Man, I need to listen to more Morrison.
     2.  Man, I have no idea what this song means.

It's good to find out that I'm not alone on my second point. Morrison didn't even know what he was singing about:

"People say, 'What does this mean?' A lot of times I have no idea what I mean. That's what I like about rock & roll -- the concept. Like Little Richard -- what does he mean? You can't take him apart; that's rock & roll to me."

I submit that there's a different expectation of understandability between "Wop-bop-a-loo-mop, alop-bam-boom" and "Hark, now hear the sailors cry. Smell the sea and feel the sky. Let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic."

Of course, it COULD be a song about embracing one's foibles and not being weighed down by minor failures along the road of life, if only "mystic" was a typo for "mistake".

A Girl Manatee Vomits: Movie Title Anagrams

The following is proof positive that I've had some time on my hands and twisted thoughts in my head.

• Gone With the Wind = Hinged White Town (Oh, if only I could trade that first H for an S.)
• The Avengers = Three Vegans
• (Harry Potter and the) Deathly Hallows = Hold Thy Seawall
• Lord of the Rings = Drool Frightens (especially if it's dripping from the mandibles of a giant spider)
• The Dark Knight = Thank Third Keg (It's a good movie that looks totally different depending on what's IN those kegs.)

• The Lion King = Hen Lingo Kit ("You'll be talking to the barnyard fowl in your life in just two weeks!")
• Despicable Me = Medical Beeps (Minions on life support?)
• (Harry Potter and the) Half-Blood Prince = Blanched Prof Oil (This is almost an appropriate recap!)
• Finding Nemo = Demon Fin Gin (Brand name of the reason Dory has a short-term memory problem)
• The Force Awakens = Wenches Toke Afar (In a galaxy far, far away, some saucy gals are getting high.)