While spending time slogging around the World Wide Wackfest, it is not a rare occurrence at all to see a quote attributed to someone who never actually said or wrote the statement in question.
The following picture was offered as one comment in a string of replies to a recent incident of just such an adventure in misinformation.
While I offer apologies, condolences, and a strong What-the-Farnsworth?!? to any readers unfamiliar with either Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, or Harry Potter, the picture is such an absolutely perfect example of Almost the Truthosity...if it weren't stolen from sources unknown, it would surely become the new cover photo at the Almost the TruthTM
Publishing FaceBook page.
This tweeter couldn't be sweeter 'cause I know you are a reader. So I got what you be needin' and that's what I be feedin', so come and belly up to the bar no matter what you are; whether you're unknown or a great big star, or come by train, plane, or vintage muscle car.
These have already been seen and read on Twitter, but I'm thinking right now nothin' could be fitter than to lay all of them on all of you so you can laugh till your face turns blue...if that's a thing you're prone to do.
- “NotCommonFacts:
The least financially successful Harry Potter film made $90 million more than
the most successful Twilight movie.” #neener
- “UberFacts: William Shakespeare's birthday, April
23rd in 1564 – He would have been 450 years old.” When he was BORN?!?
#longgestation
- “UberFacts: There are spiders big enough to eat
snakes in Australia.” ...while spinning a web in New Zealand.
- “UberFacts: Sloths only poop once a week.” but it
takes 7 hours.
- “Know: Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree.
That makes it a plant. Chocolate is salad.”
#AlmostTheTruth says
"Eat Your Veggies!"
- “UberFacts: New studies suggest that men really don't
understand women's emotions.”
#gasp
- “UberFacts: A person will B more willing to do
something for you when touching their forearm.” So how do I get them to touch
their forearm?
- “UberFacts: Until 2001, Disneyland workers wore
company jock straps while in costume... which they returned.”
#eww
- “UberFacts: 56% of people fold their underwear while
27% say they just toss it in the drawer.” Apparently, 17% eat theirs.
- “UberFacts: A new study in France suggests people
with tattoos drink more than those without.” This a ChickenOrEgg thing
- “Factsionary: Johnny Depp was discovered by Nicolas
Cage.” Doing what?
- “Factsionary: Rubbing a slice of lime on your
forehead will reduce the pain of a headache.” Insert alcohol-related joke of
your choice here
- “UberFacts: Michael J. Fox's middle name is Andrew.”
#waitwhat
- “UberFacts: Studies show that people who feel lonely
are more likely to take longer showers and longer baths.” Creating More Time
Alone
- “UberFacts: In the UK you are legally required to
stop your car if you run over a dog, but not a cat.”
#justsaying
- “ChristianHumor: I'm at church and I can hear the
worship team practicing for Sunday. I'm glad they practice.”
#hahaha
- “UberFacts: A "buttload" is a real
measurement of volume – One buttload is equal to 126 gallons.” That's a lotta
junk in the trunk
- “tomhanks: Summer reading! Alan Furst’s newest and
man, that guy hit’s my groove." Hit's? ... Hit's?!? Ack!
#grammarpolice
- “UberFacts: Getting your tongue pierced can lead to
heart problems.” It's also a sign of mental problems
- “UberFacts: 5Guy’s fries are the most unhealthy in
America; nearly 1500 calories & 71 grams of fat.” And probably taste the
most
#awesome
- “UberFacts: Female-named hurricanes kill more people
than male hurricanes do.”
#justsaying
- “UberFacts: 123456 is the most commonly password
hacked.” or rather, most commonly hacked password.
#hireme as
your proofreader!
- “Factsionary: The guy who invented Doritos was also
buried with Doritos after he died.” Glad it was AFTER he died. Whew!
- “NotCommonFacts: After death,there are 7 minutes of
brain activity left. It's the mind playing back memories.” How would anyone
know this?
- “UberFacts: Sarcastic people tend to be more
creative.”
#yeahright
- “UberFacts: jumping thru a tunnel thru the Earth
would take about 42-53 minutes.” except 4 stopping in the middle because of
GRAVITY
- “UberFacts: The is a website that takes your photo
and finds people around the world who look like you.” The is?
#HireMe
as your proofer
- “UberFacts: It took Leonardo da Vinci 10 years to
paint the Mona Lisa's lips.” ...she kept licking them off
#diva
- “UberFacts: The starfish is the only animal that can
turn its stomach inside out.” or wants to.
- “Know: Well, another day has passed...and I didn't
use Algebra once.”
#justsaying
- “Factsionary: A plastic shopping bag can take up to
1,000 years to decompose.” but only 3 seconds to rip and drop my eggs
- “UberFacts: A new study released in July 2014 states
that even moderate consumption of alcohol is bad for your heath.” or
"health"
#HireMe
- “UberFacts: Astronauts don’t do laundry, they just
throw their underwear out of the ship.” ExplainsWhat I FoundInMyBackyard
- “NotCommonFacts: Your mind spends about 70% of it's
time....” Should be "its".
#HireMe as your proofer
- “UberFacts: Recycling one aluminum beverage can save
enough energy to run a TV for 2 hours.” Should be "saves".
#HireMe
as your proofreader
- “UberFacts: The average man will spend a year of his
life staring at women!” Mine was 1978.
- “UberFacts: ...mosquito bites...stirs up they're
saliva.” "They're" should be "their".
#HireMe
as your proofreader...seriously.
- “UberFacts: There is enough gold on Earth for every
person to own 5 golden rings.” 4 calling birds, 3 French hens...
- “UberFacts: A lemon will float in water, but a lime
will sink.” Green is heavier than yellow.
#AlmostTheTruth
- “NotCommonFacts: Your nightmares&dreams may be
memories from another life, studies suggest.” I went 2school naked in another
life?!?
Why is it a selling point for Beloved's shampoo to have "Acai Berry Antioxidant" and "Camellia Oil" in it? Ewww...
What's the difference between "Why" and "How come"?
How do single people who don't go to bars and are afraid of the Internet ever meet new people...besides constantly changing jobs, I mean?
At what age do short necklaces on men stop being cool and start being a sad, desperate attempt to retain one's youth?
Why, why, why...in the name of all that is good and decent...why do newspapers continue to waste paper and ink by printing the blank-stare-inducing yawnfest (mistakenly referred to as a "comic strip") titled "Fred Basset"?
There's something here that's not quite right, methinks. Oh yes, now I know...if you've never seen these snippets before, it means you've not Liked and Followed the Almost the TruthTM Publishing Facebook page.
What the Farnsworth?!!?
- ♫♪♪
I can sea clearly now, the boat is launched.
- New book just released: "The
Case for Corporal Punishment", by Ben Dover.
- I am the eggman. They are the
eggmen. I am having an identity crisis.
- Pleasingly plump: recommended
translation of the thought "Yes! Of COURSE those jeans make you look
fat!"
- A penny saved is...not worth the
trouble.
- Don't hate me because I'm
beautiful...there are lots of other more sensible reasons.
- Coke...It's the Real Thing...the
real, nasty, battery-terminal-cleaning thing.
- Freedom's just another word for not
being locked up or knocked up, but probably being stocked up with fine,
feathered friends who have flocked up in support of your general awesomeness.
- Listen to the rhythm of the falling
rain, telling me I'm gonna get wet.
But it doesn't bother me or cause me pain, in fact,
it's never hurt me yet.
- Jose, can you see by the neon's
flickering light what so proudly we hailed as Taco Bell's best approximation of
a burrito?
- Pride goeth before a fall...and fall
goeth before winter.
- Sunshine, lollipops, and
rainbows...The Unicorn Diet...legendary weight loss!
- Favorite song from the Shlocky
Horror Pitcher Show: "Let's Do the Mime Twerk Again!"
- If you can't stand the heat, sit
down.
