Friday, December 14, 2012

Almost the News XVIII

Actor Suspected in Killing Falls to Death
"Yeah, we're pretty sure and confident," says police spokesperson, Reggie Dundant, "that waterfall will never flow or splash ever again or in the future. That actor-theater guy killled it to death."

Couple Accused of Collecting $500 Ransom for Neighbor's Dog
In his statement to the press, the accused 19-year-old man declared, "What's the big deal? The dog couldn't collect the money himself. We were doing it a favor!"

As 3 Cars Collide, 1 Hits House; 5 Are Injured
Scientists are still trying to determine how five cars could get injured when only three collided.

Credit Card Borrowing Drops
Said the Visa to the MasterCard, "Could I use your Ricola? My throat's really sore."

Pedestrian Hit By School Bus In Fair Condition
According to the school district's transportation manager, Emma Walker, the bus "has a little rust in the wheel wells and burns up oil a bit, but other than that, it's in decent shape."

Insurer Apologizes to Deputy Over Dog
It was a nice gesture for the insurance company to treat the deputy to a meal while the adjuster offered a formal apology, but the menu choice was highly questionable.

Five Buggy Riders Hurt in Semi Hit-and-Run
Barron County Sheriff Chris Fitzgerald reported it was really more of a tag-and-trot than an actual hit-and-run.

Should You Friend Your Boss on Facebook? (File under "Stupidest Questions On Earth")

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