There must be 50 ways...

There it is: Cover story of the January 7 issue of U.S.News & World Report: "50 Ways to Improve Your Life in 2008." It is staring at me. Taunting me. Daring me to read it. But I just know that one of those 50 ways will have something to do with "stop procrastinating and do it now," and judging from today's date, I've certainly blown that.

I'm already down to only 49 ways, and I haven't even read the thing yet. Well, let's give it a go...

1. Try open-water swimming.

There's something new at this year's Olympics in Beijing, and I'm talking about more than the whole let's-all-pretend-that-China-cares-about-human-rights thing. It's called marathon swimming, and it's a 10-kilometer, open-water (as opposed to in a "see-ment pond," as Ellie May would say) race that is "described as a combination of swimming, water polo, and cycling for its elements of strategy and physical contact."

Why is my brain sending me an image of hundreds of carp, mouths agape, piling up on each other in an attempt to get the breadcrumbs being thrown from a small bridge?

One fan of marathon swimming says, "It's an amazing surreal experience to be swimming in the river and to do it as part of a group. You can completely relax and let your head go."

So...are we talking crowd surfing? Now that I could see as an improvement to my life! Just relax, and let the group of swimmers below you carry you toward the finish line. But something tells me that if I "let my head go" it would probably just go underwater...and stay there. Which may improve someone's life in 2008 (life insurance policies being what they are and all), but not necessarily mine.