Friday, June 29, 2018

Observed Absurdities™ 38 - Almost Completely All


Beloved and I were strolling through NotNew NotArmy and I was struck by a sign we saw.

Well...not literally "struck". There was no physical contact involved, but it did make me wonder if the signmaker involved had a clear understanding of the definition of the word "entire".





Friday, June 22, 2018

The 500th Greatest Song of All Time


On December 9, 2004, Rolling Stone magazine published its list of "The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time".

Wow.

Were they receiving too many complimentary letters to the editor? Because...you know...a subjective list like this was bound to bring out everyone else's opinions to the contrary. Or maybe they were just desperate to come up with some content to fill the seven pages between all the ad copy they publish.



Why do I bring this up now? Well, two reasons:

1.  I just happened to discover the existence of this list while I was looking up something else. (I didn't know about it at the time, not being a subscriber to Rolling Stone.)

2.  I'm desperate to come up with some content.

I feel a little sorry for Number 500 on the list: "More Than a Feeling", by Boston. Sure, you're one of the greatest songs of all time, but you're at the very bottom of the list. If there were only 100 songs on the list, that would be fine, but they stretched this thing out to five hundred farnsworthing songs and you just BARELY got included!

Fun Fact: "More Than a Feeling" is actually a science fiction short story. Consider the first verse...

I looked out this morning and the sun was gone [Immediately sets this up in a post-apocalyptic landscape]
Turned on some music to start my day [Apparently, the writer's synthetic weather app responds to audio input.]
I lost myself in a familiar song [Accidental uploading of his digital essence]
I closed my eyes and I slipped away [Visual interface shut down, resulting in a random dispersion]

No wonder Marianne walked away. The guy's a geek.


Friday, June 15, 2018

#DrPepperPlotlines


What if The Powers That Be in Hollyweird were, like me, obsessed with Dr Pepper?

Dr Pepper Superstar  -  ♫♪ Dr Pepper...Dr Pepper...It's really cool how you cured that leper...Dr Pepper...Superstar...I am amazed how you raised the bar ♪♫

Dr Pepper of Oz  -  "Just take three gulps and belch 'There's no place like home'!"


Dr Pepper Wars: A New Formula  -  The evil Mr Pibb empire tries to overtake the soft drink market. "Dr Pepper, you're our only hope."

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Dr Pepper  -  An inter-school competition turns into a fight for life as Harry almost loses access to the soda fountain.

March of the Dr Pepper  -  A documentary on the making of The Wine of Waco.

The Count of Monte Pepper  -  Revenge never tasted so sweet.

Dr Pepper of the Lost Ark  -  Indiana Jones is in for a surprise when he opens his latest find.

Dr Pepper Runner  -  It's a dystopian future, indeed, when rural folks in Tennesee have to illegally transport their favorite soft drink.

Cool Hand Dr Pepper  -  "What we have here is failure to carbonate."

When Harry Met Dr Pepper  -  "Yes! Yes! Yes!"


Friday, June 8, 2018

What My Phone Thinks I Want to Say


It's called "predictive text" and when you let your phone do the typing, it's amazing / interesting / surprising / embarassing / confounding what gets written:


  • My first attempt to get my first job in a week and I got my own little league of cards.
  • Why would you want to make this happen to us if you don't think we are going to be able to make a good thing?
  • How often is this place in my head and the way to the church is the only way to go?
  • I'm sure you're not going through the rest of your weekend but I hope you're having a wonderful day.
  • If I had to come to the doctor this afternoon, would you like to come over and see what I have?
  • Maybe we should go get back with him or something.
  • Please pray for my recovery from your recovery.
  • Star Wars: I hope you're not feeling good about this
  • Nobody knows what to say about the new version of this one.
  • That's why I'm going through my Twitter with the same thing as a whole lot of the rest of the week.
  • When you're done with the rest of your weekend and you don't need a good day, try to get your stuff together.
  • My ex is a good guy but I'm going straight.



Friday, June 1, 2018

You'll Never Believe What I Heard About The Big Bang Theory!


You know those "Promoted Post"s that show up on your social media, promising to reveal stuph the producers of your favorite TV shows have tried to keep hidden? Yeah, those.

They are so disappointing.



Usually, the articles are not filled with shocking revelations at all. Usually, it's just a collection of trivia or the mentioning of inconsequential bloopers. Usually, I click on them in hopes that "this one will be different."

They never are.

A recent one focused on the sitcom, The Big Bang Theory, and included THIS shocking revelation.



Two things that hurt my feelings about this:

     1.  Of COURSE, the actor and the role he plays have differences. That's why it's called ACTING, you sad, strange, little twit.

     2.  How can someone be "different to" someone else? The word should be FROM, you sad, strange, little...person.