Friday, May 26, 2017

Tip of the Slongue

Even though I AM accustomed to public speaking, every so often things FlatulenceKing used to say...catty-wumpus.

  • I never watch TV anymore. I just net dooflix.
  • That's so sad! Your story hates my bark!
  • You'll like this ice cream. It's got chocs of chunkolate.
  • I hate when stuff like hat thappens.
  • ♫ Lonely days are gone. I'mma goin' home. My baby just lent me a rotor.
  • Do you remember when it used to feel special to order a peeperoni petza?

ADDED ENTERTAINMENT VALUE: Only one of the above verbal mistakes actually happened. Can you guess which one?

Friday, May 19, 2017

I Shouldn't Have Tried This At Home

If you've been paying attention, you will know that I am...shall we say...follicly challenged.

Oh, I've still got plenty of's just that it's mostly in my ears and on my back.

That being said, you can hardly blame me for getting particularly interested in this bottle that I found in our shower.

There are two reasons this product caught my attention, and you should be able to see them a little better in the following close-up.

I was: 1)  intrigued by the inclusion of pomegranate, and 2) elated at the possibility of having visibly fuller, thicker, bigger hair with a plush softness.


I tried this product, as faithfully as Mother Teresa and Billy Graham, for over three months and have seen absolutely ZERO positive effect on my hair's fullness, thickness, bigness, or plushosity. doesn't taste a THING like pomegranate.

Friday, May 12, 2017

Almost Luving Teknowledgee

The following cartoons are not created by me, but let's not call it stealing. Think of it more as right-priced entertainment allocation. I'm merely utilizing available technology to fill the current void in my personal creativity supply. Technology really is a wonderful thing, except...

...when it encourages us to shirk responsibilities.

...when it destroys our attention span.

...when we have better relationships with social media than with know...human beings.

...when our phones are smarter than we are.

...when we become overly dependent on GPS.

Friday, May 5, 2017

Almost 24/7

Today: A mini rant and a curiosity.

First of all, it activates my CDO (which is similar to OCD, but IN THE CORRECT ORDER) whenever I hear or see someone or some business referring to the unending nature of something (for example, "I hear this buzzing in my ear..." or "we are open...") as being "24/7/365".

It's not that I don't understand what they're saying. I get it. "24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year." Fine. Understood. It's just that it's at least overkill and at most a frustrating bait and switch.

"24 hours a day" is all that's really needed. I mean, that really does cover it, doesn't it? Is there any additional time slot that is outside that parameter? "We're open 24 hours a day. Oh! And by the way, we are ALSO open on Saturdays...well...I guess that's part of 24 hours a day, isn't it...uh...hmmmm."

But the other thing that grinds my gears is how the 3-part expression sets up a progression that it fails to deliver on.

24 hours a day...7 days a week...the next phrase ought to be "52 weeks a year", oughtn't it?

Augh! It's like a gnat flying around just outside my peripheral vision, taunting me.

Second of all, and slightly related, I drove by a billboard recently that just made me wonder a bit.

It was a sign outside a large truck stop that also offered repair work for the big eighteen-wheelers. They were bragging about the availability of their mechanics by saying "We have techs on site 24/7...Monday-Friday.

Uhhhh...wouldn't that be 24/5, then?