Things I would love to read as news items in the coming year.
- Rosemount, Minnesota Has Lowest Snowfall in Recorded History
- Fred Bassett Permanently Cancelled
- Everything Old Is New Again: The Resurgence of Classic Rock
- Washington DC Is Epicenter of Huge Spiritual Revival (and, like, you can tell it's for real because this isn't even an election year)
- Netflix Is Streaming New Episodes of Firefly (but missing Ron Glass)
- Ringo Starr Installed as Britain's New Prime Minister
- Chicago Cubs Win World Series...Again
- Whatever Happened to Miley Cyrus?
- Woodchuck Union Publishes Chucked Wood Totals
- New Weight Tables Released; 20 Over Is the New Perfect
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