Friday, October 21, 2016

STAR WARS a la DocumentCzar

I recently constructed a dummy document to use as a demonstration on how to do some stuph at DocumentCzar that doesn't really matter and you wouldn't really care about except that it resulted in the following totally-fake procedural instructions.

9.  Implement Phase

9.1  A New Hope
     9.1.1  Prepare the Droids for Transport

          1.  Insert plans for Death Star into R2D2.

          2.  Record poor-quality hologram message.
          3.  Get shot by the only storm trooper in the whole Evil Empire who can actually hit the broad side of a barn.

     9.1.2  Droid Capture and Blog Download

          1.  Get transported to Uncle Owen’s Moisture Farm.
                a.  Leave a crashed escape pod, with spare parts from your self-repair kit, in plain view for storm troopers to find.
                b.  Wander through sand dunes; forgetting that, according to prequels, you can fly.
                c.  Find a band of fly-infested scavengers and let them electrocute you.
                d.  Shut down and enjoy the ride.
          2.  Download funny blogs from the WorldWideWackfest:
                a.  Determine which article is desired.
                Note: There may be a long pause before understanding particular jokes.
                b.  Right-click on the webpage, click Save as in the pop-up menu, and blah, blah, blah.
                Note: (Download will take some time to complete.)
          3.  Once the download is complete:
                a.  Hear your Uncle Owen call for you.
                b.  Trot out across a barren landscape while your heroic theme plays in the background.
                c.  Whine some nonsense about power converters.

9.2  The Empire Strikes Back
     9.2.1  Justifying Mark Hamill’s Damaged Face

Because Mark Hamill was in a serious car crash between the filming of A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, his face was roughed up a bit.

          1.  Invent an ice-cave monster.
          2.  Indicate Luke’s growing compatibility with The Force by having him telekinetically retrieve his lightsaber just in time to free his feet, but not soon enough to spare his face from a good slashing.

     9.2.2  Do More Stuff But Stop in the Middle of the Story So You End Up with a Trilogy

          1.  I love you.
          2.  I know.

9.3  Return of the Jedi

Ewoks are not applicable.

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