Friday, February 26, 2016

Observed Absurdities™ 23 - Internal Protection


Life at DocumentCzar is humming along nicely, thank you.

My manager's candy bowl consistently supplies me with empty calories and my coworkers' grammar-challenged compositions ensure the necessity of my presence.

Another plus is the fresh, cold, filtered water available in the break room.

However...

When I took a closer look at the water dispenser's logo, I got a little confused.



Are my innards in danger of getting a sunburn?

Friday, February 19, 2016

#RuinABook


Choosing a book's title just might be the most important part of an author's (or editor's) job. One small change could ruin everything.

For instance...


  • Fifty Shades of Grey Poupon
  • The Diary of Canned Franks
  • The Wonderful Lizard of Odd
  • The Boring Identity



  • Dairy of a Wimpy Kid - Holstein Edition
  • Tuesdays with a Moray
  • How to Manipulate People into Liking You and Get Them to Do What You Want
  • To Slander a Mockingbird
  • Charlotte's Flytrap
  • Who Moved My Processed Dairy Substance?
  • The Seven Habits of People Who Always Get Their Own Way
  • Stalk You Forever
  • The Da Vinci Cold
  • The Lord of the Metal Finger Band
  • The Lion, the Witch, and the Secret Passageway Into Another Land That May be a Dimensional Anomaly



Friday, February 12, 2016

Fun With Anagrams - The Political Edition


We don't even know who the official major party candidates are yet, and already I am on political overload. So much talking...so little understanding.

In an effort to start enjoying the process, let us consider the hidden meanings of some significant names and terms through the wonders of anagrams.

Republican = Caliber Pun or Crab Lineup or Nubile Crap or Rub A Pencil
Donald Trump = Damp Old Runt
Chris Christie = Crisis Hitcher
Ted Cruz = Curt Zed
Carly Fiorina = A Rainy Frolic or Nil Coif Array
Marco Rubio = I Rob Our Mac
Ben Carson = Bran Scone (i.e., Good for you, but not very exciting)


Electoral College = Relocate Cello Leg
Oval Office = Loaf Of Vice
White House = I Shout Whee
Senators = So Astern or Are Snots
Filibuster = Lustier Fib
Incumbents = Numb Insect



Democrat = Coat Mr Ed or Recto Dam
Hillary Clinton = Chilly Loin Rant
Bernie Sanders = Bans Reindeers or Ensnares Bride or Breeds A Sinner

Friday, February 5, 2016

Amazing Facts - Prepare To Be Shocked!


Judging by life as I know it here in corporate America, hardly anyone is aware of the things on this short list of Actual Factual Stuph. Try to keep your shorts clean as I lay some amazing facts on you.


  1. Not all toilets are self-flushing.
  2. Plastic ice trays do not fill themselves up with water.
  3. Break room countertops do not magically absorb spilled salt, sugar, coffee, and/or whatever that green stuff is that hardened over last weekend.
  4. When the music service your office subscribes to has a playlist of only 40 songs, you get the same song shoved into your ears 20 times a week, i.e., 4 times a day. (File under: Hostile Work Environment)