Friday, January 9, 2015


What follows are tweets that have come before. To be able to see these in real time, not this lame, after-the-fact way, follow me on Twitter (@deweyroth).

  • UberFacts: Joggers live an average of six years longer than people who don't jog.” Actually, it just FEELS that way...boredom, you know.
  • UberFacts: Over the last 50 yrs, researchers say pop music has become louder, dumber&most songs sound the same." Research was need 4this?
  • Like PopeFrancis, I used to be a bouncer. But MY bouncing was down the side of a mountain when I tried to ski.
  • [From when I live-tweeted Guardians of the Galaxy] Yeah, the galaxy-destroying stone is in the furthest pod, so SHOOT IT?!!? #GotG
  • UberFacts: Trimethylaminuria is a disorder that makes U smell like day old fish. It has no known cure or treatment.” #MyHSsociologyTeacher
  • UberFacts: If you get gum stuck in your hair, soak it in Coke for 5 minutes and it will come off easily.” I don't WANT my hair 2 come off!
  • UberFacts: Chimpanzees understand and can start fashion trends.” This explains a lot.

  • UberFacts: The closest living relative to a hippo is a whale.” Or the hippo's parent, maybe, eh? #genetics
  • UberFacts: Rubbing a banana peel on a mosquito bite can help stop the itching.” but may attract gorilla bites.
  • UberFacts: It would take a person walking nonstop approximately 347 days to walk around the world.” The oceans really slow a guy down
  • UberFacts: It takes about 20 arctic foxes to make just one coat.” #nothumbs
  • UberFacts: A live flu virus can last up to 17 days on a dollar bill.” #livingcheaply
  • Factsionary: A thirsty plant will cry for help by making a high-pitched sound too high for humans to hear.” #WastedEffort
  • UberFacts: Lady Gaga has been playing piano by ear since the age of 4.” That's gotta hurt!
  • UberFacts: Jim Carrey was first choice 2B Capt Jack Sparrow in "Pirates of the Caribbean" but he turned it down.” #PraiseJesus
  • UberFacts: Soy products can decrease sperm concentration in men.” Leading to easily-distracted sperm.
  • Factsionary: Women prefer taller men more than shorter men.” In fact, shorter men don't prefer taller men at ALL.
  • # IfIWasInCharge an election's winner would have 3 days to take down all political road signs, or the runner-up would be declared the winner
  • UberFacts: You cannot deep fry food in space.” That's it! Cancel my flight plans!
  • UberFacts: Rubbing a cucumber slice on your bathroom mirror will keep it from fogging up” AND from being useful for seeing yourself #smear
  • UberFacts: "Come Together" was the last song all four of The Beatles made together.” And that, friends, is called #irony
  • UberFacts: The most profitable area of a store is the checkout line.” Cause it's the only place the store actually, U know, gets $$$
  • Factsionary: “I have a bad feeling about this” has been said in every Star Wars movie.” & in the lines waiting to see them
  • UberFacts: Chicken nuggets are only 50% chicken.” ...and 50% nugget.
  • UberFacts: A lit candle causes more than 15,000 house fires every year.” That's a lot of work for one candle!
  • UberFacts: U are 3 times more likely to die at work than you are at war.” I'm infinitely more likely 2 BE @ work than @ war. #SoThere
  • EricIdle:...PythOnline, a site I ran for two years in 1996.” 2 years in 1996? Am I the only one confused?
  • UberFacts: People who eat nuts 7 or more times a week have a 20% lower death rate.” #PrettySure every1's death rate is 100%
Here I sit, a hopeless twit

With nothing to repeat
This so-lame thought, not sold or bought
Ain't even worth this tweet.

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