Friday, December 19, 2014

Almost Christmas Classics: Movies


Ah December! The time when television programmers can take a break and just broadcast the old reliables, knowing that we unwashed masses will settle down with our cups of eggnog or cocoa, in our kerchiefs and caps, and thoroughly enjoy it all.



A CHRISTMAS CAROL
Hallucinations turn an old miser into a giddy spendthrift.

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE
Building and loan president becomes town's largest welfare recipient, while mobility-challenged mogul steals $8,000.

WHITE CHRISTMAS
Good Samaritan manipulates Broadway star throughout a lustrous career, only to wind up losing money on a last-minute performance in a barn.

A CHRISTMAS STORY
The merry mishaps of a weapons-of-minor-destruction-obsessed, myopic moppet.

THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS
Truth in advertising.

MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET
Natalie Wood whines her way into the heart of a lawyer who goes on to make a mockery of the American Justice System with the help of the United States Postal Service.

NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION
Lowbrow slapstick comedy with tinsel.

ELF
Fish-out-of-water man-boy with questionable wardrobe inexplicably wins the heart of a cute girl (which is the same description used for most Will Ferrell and Jerry Lewis movies). 

RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER
Documentary exposing Santa's animal cruelty and slave-labor practices.

A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS
Chronically-depressed child with egocentric dog blows his top when a jazz jam breaks out at play rehearsal. 




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