Real Headlines. Almost Real Stories.
This...is Almost the News.
Bill Would Limit Members of Congress in Hiring Family
Atta boy, Bill!
Shooting Suspect Reward Up To $25K
The reward has jumped up by ten thousand dollars for anyone able to shoot the suspect, who still remains at large.
Man Gets One Year For Hiding Corpse
...but after that, we're going to come looking for it. ("Olly olly oxen free!")
FBI Takes New Look At Twin Cities Terror Ties
The possible Halloween addition to agents' attire include the "Nightmare (on Elm Street) Knot" and the "Exorcist Ascot".
August Apartment Building Dives
The grand, majestic Esther Williams Apartments successfully completed a Forward 2 1/2 Tuck in yesterday's competition.
DNR Rules Against Bear Researcher
Department of Natural Resources spokesperson, Ima Ranger, said, "Bears should be out eating fish and stealing pic-a-nic baskets, not cooped up in some research lab."