Friday, March 28, 2014

In the Closet No More

I've finally decided it's time to talk about something I've been keeping to myself for...well...my whole life, I guess.

This blog is usually reserved for the lighthearted and looney ramblings that slosh over the edge of my far-too-small brain, but recent revelations by prominent sports figures and entertainment icons and even some folks near and dear to me have given me the courage and motivation to finally admit to the world what I've known in my heart for so very long.

I am a heterosexual.


My first clue as to my orientation happened when I was only seven years old. I was completely and utterly enamored with my second-grade teacher, Mrs. Hunter. Of course, I never acted on my straight leanings until much later, but I knew then that I was just innately drawn to members of the opposite sex.

All through my elementary and even junior high years, I often wondered if anyone else felt the same way I did.

While always a "performer" unafraid of the spotlight, I was actually quite shy in personal situations. I never got the nerve to initiate a kiss with a girl until halfway through my freshman year of high school. Even after that first confirmation that I was not alone...that there really were other straight people at my school...my interactions with females were always furtive, experimental, and tinged with feelings of guilt and shame.

But now? Now it's all different. The world has changed. MY world has changed...and I'm finally ready to embrace the real me with no apologies to those who automatically fear and reject people who are different from them. I figure that's THEIR problem and it's time for me to stop letting what other people think influence what I know to be true about myself.

I'm straight and I'm proud...might even start an annual parade about it.  

Friday, March 21, 2014

You Smell Sick

Ever vigilant in my search for the latest information in olfactory awareness, I was interested in reading the following "News from the World of Medicine" in the March 2014 issue of Reader's Digest.

Who's Sick?
Your Nose Knows

There's a subtle difference in the way sick and healthy people smell. In a recent experiment, researchers injected volunteers with a type of bacterial toxin known to activate the immune system [Almost the Translation: germs]. Another time, the participants were injected with just a saline solution. Both times they wore T-shirts. When another group sniffed scents extracted from the shirts, they rated those from the toxin batch as much more unpleasant.


Already I have questions. How much were these volunteers paid? And which was the more unpleasant task: getting injected with stuph or having to smell the injectees' Eau de T-shirt? And who thinks UP these research projects to begin with? And how much do THEY get paid?

One bright spot, according to the article: there seems to be a practical use for all this.

Researchers believe this finding may one day help contain disease outbreaks: Sensors at airports could screen out sick people, for example.

While I wish there had been a smell-induced weeding out of passengers on the last flight I took...especially the salami-eating guy who sat in front of me...I feel the need to wave the yellow flag of Look-Out-Your-Personal-Freedoms-Are-Being-Encroached-Upon. This will most certainly lead to odor profiling of a most heinous nature.

"Alright, ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to step over here so our dog can sniff you a little better...Yes, his nose is registered as an official tool of Homeland Security and he has every right to stick it wherever he wants."

Friday, March 14, 2014

Twitterlicious

Following @deweyroth on Twitter will do a few things for you. It will get you links to Almost the Truth and Truth Is... as soon as new items are posted. It will treat you to my unique commentary on major events like the Oscars or Grammys or shoveling my driveway. It will let you know whenever my website, AlmostTheTruth.com, is updated. And...you will be in the direct line of fire for actual factual retweets-plus-commentary...as evidenced below:


  • UberFacts: The least successful Harry Potter movie earned about $90 million more than the most successful Twilight movie.” #justsaying
  • NotCommonFacts: People who laugh a lot are healthier than those who don't.” SO THERE!
  • UberFacts: Hippo milk is pink.” I wonder if it tastes like Strawberry Quick.
  • UberFacts: The average woman will spend nearly one year of her life trying to decide what to wear.” ...while U R waiting 4 her @ the door
  • UberFacts: A car is stolen every 30 seconds in the United States.” that's a busy car!
  • UberFacts: Alexander Graham Bell originally wanted people to greet each other over the phone by saying "ahoy" instead of "hello."” bummer!
  • UberFacts: Due 2high mercury in Lake Mich, over40% of the fish Rborn autistic & don't survive their first year.” HowDoU test fish 4autism?
  • UberFacts: There are about 30 million dead people on Facebook.” ...saying more intelligent things than 37% of the living people
  • UberFacts: Bill Murray, John Travolta, and Chevy Chase all turned down the role of Forrest Gump.” #GodExists 
  • UberFacts: After being dumped by his fiance, a man sold the ring & bought a full suit of Halo Armor.” no mystery then as 2 Y she dumped him
  • Factsionary: An ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.” Y people R stalking this particular alcoholic ant, we dont know
  • UberFacts: One out of every ten men are psychopaths.” So if you have 9 perfectly sane friends, it must be you.
  • UberFacts: Sarcasm has been proven to make you smarter and more creative.” I'm SO sure...

  • NotCommonFacts: Most teens who sleep less than 8-9 hours suffer from mood swings and depression.” so do most teens who sleep more
  • NotCommonFacts: More people are killed by hippos each year than sharks, bears and lions combined.” HERE'S an untapped movie franchise!
  • UberFacts: The Malay word for "water" is "air."” Kinda like naming a dog "Kitty"
  • Factsionary: 90% of people will fake laugh when they don't understand what someone said to them.” so comics should just speak gibberish
  • UberFacts: There are some homeless beggars in Oregon that earn $300 a day -- more than $100,000 a year.” EARN?? 
  • UberFacts: The average person will eat around 35,000 cookies in their lifetime.” I should have died 3 years ago.
  • UberFacts: In the middle ages, talkative women were forced to wear cages on their heads.” I know some middle-aged women... 

Friday, March 7, 2014

Ouch! Too True!

I know this graphic (stolen from Radio Free Babylon) is supposed to be funny, but it strikes just a little too close to the heart...