Friday, February 1, 2013

Vestigial McDonald's Orders

For those who are a tad unsure about the meaning of this post's title, feel free to ruminate while I illuminate.

Vestigial - ve-stij-ee-uhl
of, pertaining to, or of the nature of a vestige: a vestigial tail

Well, that definition didn't come in all that handy, now did it?

Vestige - ves-tij
1. a mark, trace, or visible evidence of something that is no longer present or in existence: A few columns were the last vestiges of a Greek temple.
2. a surviving evidence or remainder of some condition, practice, etc.: These superstitions are vestiges of an ancient religion.
3. a localized desire to scratch caused by a sleeveless torso-covering garment: I've got to take my sweater off to get at this vestige with my fingernails.

My meaning in this post's title is mostly Number 2, with just a mark or trace of Number 1.

Now that we're all up-to-speed, let's get to it: I am not a particular fan of having pickles and onions on my cheeseburgers. (Don't judge me, just accept my difference as part of the kaleidoscopic panoply of humanity.) Not wanting pickles and onions would not have to affect the way I order cheeseburgers...I could just take off the pickles and onions with my very own fingers.


Back in the earlier years of my life-long love of all things fried, Mickey D's would make batches of hamburgers and cheeseburgers and have them waiting for purchase in large, heated bins directly behind the line of cash registers. They could have possibly sat there for 30 minutes before someone came along and placed an order. To remove the pickles and onions from a Cheeseburger of a Certain Age would remove the congealed dairy-like substance (cheese) as well, and this simply would not do.

My solution has always been to order my cheeseburgers without pickles and onions. (I will pause here to allow you to reestablish your equilibrium after your gasp of awe.) The side benefit of this practice has been that my cheeseburger was always fresh off the grill, because it would have to have been specially constructed to meet my stringent specifications.


For several years now, taking their cue from Wendy's, Mickey D's has been constructing their sandwiches at the time they are ordered. This results in several things, some of which are at odds with each other:

  • Every sandwich is fresh off the grill.
  • The pickles and onions can be removed without destroying the cheese.
  • The delivery to my plastic tray of a cheeseburger without pickles and onions takes not a single second longer than a fully-garnished cheeseburger.

So you see? There is no real reason anymore for me to special order, but at the same time, it is far easier to do so. What a quandary!

Then again, if this is the biggest thing I have to worry about, I am an amazingly blessed individual.

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