Thursday, June 30, 2011

Almost the News XIII

E. Coli Fatal to 10 is Tied to Vegetables
...a fitting punishment indeed.


Man Gets Prison for Growing Pot
Wait...they're giving away prisons to pot-growers now? Talk about a white elephant gift!


Ex-Tijuana Mayor Held in Guns Case
Hope they drilled an air hole for the little guy.


Texas Negates Twins' Recent Strides
In a bold mixture of state autonomy and government health care, the physical therapy that recently helped conjoined twins, Kanga and Roo Hu, to be able to walk was officially poo-pooed by the Lone Star state.


Blagojevich Grilled During His Retrial
The judge had a cheese-brat, and the prosecuting attorney, unfortunately, got some barbecue sauce on his vest. Nevertheless, they were both heard to say, "Rod really knows his charcoal!"

St. Croix Bridge Faces Fall Deadline
It needs to collapse by next Tuesday...or else.


Twin Cities Man May Have Been Somali Suicide Bomber
I reserve the right to be wrong, but I'm pretty sure this should have been stated the other way around.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

LowerMyExpectations.com

Recently, while I was waiting for a crossword-based game that shall remain nameless to finish loading on FaceBook, the following advertisement appeared in the margin (as all good FaceBook advertisements are want to do).


Every fiber of my proofreading body was personally offended by what I saw.
"CALIFORNIA Driver Are Being Ripped Off By Not Using This One Ridiculously Easy Trick"



I've got a news flash for LowerMyBills.com...YOU are being ripped off by a copy writer who can't compose a simple English sentence.


As if I'm going to trust my car insurance dollars to this company. I can only imagine what happens when you try to file a claim: "We sorry that you're policy does not covers the type of lost describes in you're claime."

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

It looks like Artie is in a funk...

...and rightly so.


It's bad enough that this picture from the 1975 Grammy awards preserves forever Mr. Garfunkel's fashion faux pas of a tuxedo t-shirt...apparently he's not too happy about being the only one who had to stand by the cadaver.






Thanks to 22words.com for bringing this gem to my attention.

Friday, June 3, 2011

4 8 15 16 23 42

For people who are missing the television experiment in exquisite frustration that was LOST, the title of this post holds wonderful memories. For the rest of you:


1) What?!!? Do you live in a cave?!!?

2) Fret not, what follows should hold the same amount of deep meaning for you as it does for Losties...which is to say, little to none.



A game that some folks enamored with the series have played is to use these omenesque numbers in conjunction with the different books that were referenced on the show. Being at a loss for anything else to post in this space, I thought it might be fun to give it a try.


Being unable to find my copy of Watership Down, I decided to use another touchstone of popular culture, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.


So...the idea is to discover a meaningful message in the first word on each of the pages: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42. Here we go:


Past with no gingerly on shake


Okay, that didn't work out so well. Maybe it should be the 4th word on page 4, the 8th word on page 8...Daylight it out the what missed


Ummmm...the last word on each page? It Dumbledore Hagrid gone the room


That's a little closer to something. How about inverting things and taking the 42nd word of page 4, the 23rd word of page 8...Morning he all to you shake


I know...I must have just chosen the wrong touchstone of popular culture. Let's try the final book in the series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.


1st words: Be your daily remembered exclusively Dudley


4/4, 8/8, etc.:The I upsurge charity a the


Last words: Though table he more remarks son (Hmmm...this may be secretly hinting that Harry's father is actually a piece of furniture, but I doubt it.)


Inversion: We as of of inside himself

Okay, okay...maybe the book choice was weak. Let's go with the best-selling book of all time, the Bible. There are a multitude of translations/versions/editions, but I'll go with the copy I've got closest...yes, I'm just that lazy.

1st words: Then but Shechem between but I

4/4, 8/8, etc.: Of of and is the we

Last words: Taken ground strife country day them (Hmmm, Part Two...some foreshadowing of strife in the Middle East, perhaps?)

Inversion: The righteous the brothers his God

Look up the word awesome. I think the last phrase is in the definition.