Saturday, November 14, 2009

Almost the News V

At Ford, UAW Braces for Still More Concessions
Dearborn, Michigan-based Ford Motor Company is the center of a new controversy with the United Auto Workers, as an over-abundance of hot dogs, nachos, and popcorn soaked with artificially-butter-flavored oil by-products is said to be heading toward the lunch room.

Reward Offered in McDonald's Holdup
A $1,ooo reward is being offered to the perpetrators of a daring, daytime robbery of a local McDonald's. Says McDonald's manager, Ray Onions, "It was just such a perfectly planned and executed robbery, we think their excellence deserves extra recognition."

Rude Behavior Increases in College Courses
Excellent grades are being earned in Flipping the Bird 101 and Advanced Cinema Cell Phone Use.

Dip in Jobless Claims a Surprise
Workers in the Labor Department were curious as to why the Secretary of Labor had requested that paper copies of all new unemployment benefits applications be piled into an empty swimming pool. Their curiosity turned to utter surprise when the Secretary took a running jump off the diving board and cannonballed into them.

Woman Hit by Transit Bus in Critical Condition
Of course, the question still remains: If the bus was in such bad condition, why was it in operation in the first place?

Woman Sought in Bank Robbery
An unusual note was passed to a teller at the TCF Bank inside Lexington Avenue's Cub Foods: "Fill this bag with tens and twenties, and can you tell me where Judy is?"

Health Care Bill Clears the House
Apparently, legislators were so appalled at the rampant spending included in the latest version of the health care bill that when it was introduced everyone ran out of the building.

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