Friday, October 27, 2023

Literary Evolution: The 416th Greatest Song of All Time

 

Celebrated member of the Eagles, Don Henley, had a few hits of his own and The Boys of Summer was his second.

Tom Petty's collaborator wrote the music, but its style didn't fit the album that Petty was working on at the time, so it got offered to Henley, who wrote some words about a guy whose heart was broken and sha-boom sha-boom...hitsville.


Kid playing drums

However...

The title is not original with Henley. The Boys of Summer was a 1972 book by Roger Kahn about the Brooklyn Dodgers, who broke their fans' hearts when they moved to Los Angeles.

However...

That book got its title from Dylan Thomas' 1939 poem, I See the Boys of Summer, about...um...about...well, here's the first verse:

I see the boys of summer in their ruin
Lay the gold tithings barren,
Setting no store by harvest, freeze the soils;
There in their heat the winter floods
Of frozen loves they fetch their girls,
And drown the cargoed apples in their tides.


Yeah, I don't get it either, but apparently, the evolutionary concept of getting more precise and defined over a period of time applies to works of written art.


Friday, October 20, 2023

Bear With Me

 

Let me pass on to you a story that was passed on to me in James Martin's book, Between Heaven and Mirth:

A Catholic priest, a Baptist preacher, and a rabbi served as chaplains to the students of a college in the Midwest. The three friends would get together several times a week for coffee. One day, someone commented that preaching to people isn't really all that hard  -  a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. So they decided to do an experiment. They would venture into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they gathered again to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had bandages on his face, went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. That bear wanted nothing to do with me and rudely began to push me around. So I grabbed my holy water and baptized him, and he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him First Communion and to confirm him."

Bear Wrestling

Reverend Smith spoke next. He was in a wheelchair and had one arm and both legs in casts. "Well, brothers, I went out and found a bear as well. And then I began to read to him from God's Holy Word. But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took hold of him, and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, up another, and down another until we came to a creek. So I quickly dunked him and baptized his heavenly soul. And just like you said, Father, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

The priest and the preacher both looked down at Rabbi Stein, who was on a stretcher. He was in a full body cast. The rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."


Friday, October 13, 2023

Son of Change One Letter and Create a Movie

 

It was so much fun doing the father of this "son of" (click here to catch up), the entire staff of Almost the Truth has demanded a sequel.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Zoom  -  Everyone's favorite archeologist searches for a long-lost online meeting

The Loon King  -  ♫♪ "Hakuna Malutefisk, what a wonderful meal..." ♪♫

Casa Bianca  -  A filmed tour of the Spanish villa owned by the former Mrs. Mick Jagger

Apocalypse Cow  -  "I love the smell of manure in the morning."

Stolen image

Django Unchaired  -  A former slave is not allowed to sit.

Toe Story  -  "To the shoe store...and beyond!"

Avengers: Infinity Car  -  The Avengers and their allies must be willing to sacrifice all in an attempt to create a vehicle that never needs fuel.

Good Will Hinting  -  "It's not your fault, but you're getting warmer...warmer..."

Zingin' in the Rain  -  Don Rickles performs no matter what the weather is like.

Scarfake  -  "Say hello to my little prosthetic!"

To Fill a Mockingbird  -  A documentary on the feeding habits of our fine feathered friends

Honey, I Shrunk the Lids  -  "Wayne! Why don't these fit the pots anymore?"


Friday, October 6, 2023

Boycotting the 417th Greatest Song of All Time

 

I have never heard the song that Rolling Stone named the 417th Greatest Song of All Time. I do not plan to ever hear it. I have not and will not do research on the lyric. I don't need to know anything more about it than what the magazine itself wrote:

With one song, N.W.A brought the battle between rappers and cops to a new level. On August 1st, 1989, the FBI sent a bulletin to the group's label denouncing this song. According to the bulletin, **** tha Police "encourages violence against, and disrespect for, the law enforcement officer." The publicity established N.W.A. as hip-hop's bad boys.

Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. I am all in favor of freedom of speech and artistic expression and blah, blah, blah. But just because I believe they have a right to say it doesn't mean I'm obligated to hear it or celebrate it.

Enjoy this picture of a puppy instead.




Friday, September 29, 2023

Change One Letter and Create a Movie

 

Here I am, offering help to the screenwriters and producers of the world who seem to be positively desperate for ideas.

Hack to the Future  -  "Wait a minute, Doc. Ah... Are you telling me that you built a time machine... out of a taxi?"

Hack to the Future

The Green Bile  -  A supernatural tale of everyone on death row getting sick

The Lizard of Oz  -  "Oh my, Toto! Tails regrow so quickly here!"

A Can Called Otto  -  You've heard of the John. You're familiar with the Biffy. You've experienced the Powder Room. Now meet Otto.


The Darn Knight  -  "These socks need to be mended and you're not going to stop me."

Star Bars Episode IV: A New Hope - Maybe Charlie Sheen won't get bounced out this time.

Schindler's Lisp  -  "Thith pin. Two people. Thith ith gold. Two more people."

It's a Wonderful Wife  -  Actually...this doesn't change the movie at all.

Tight Club  -  "The first rule of Tight Club is...nobody fits in Tight Club."

Saving Primate Ryan  -  The adventures of a small squad of zoo keepers looking for a lost chimpanzee.

Jews  -  "You're gonna need a bigger yarmulke."

Done With the Wind  -  Set in the waning days of the Civil War, an entitled Southern belle could simply not care less about an approaching tornado.


Friday, September 22, 2023

Friday, September 15, 2023

Waa! Waa! Waa!: The 418th Greatest Song

 

On Rolling Stone magazine's list of "The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time," the editors usually have a little something to say about each song: What makes it so great; who wrote it and why, etc. With "Suite: Judy Blue Eyes" by Crosby, Stills & Nash, they found no need to explain or justify its inclusion...and they were absolutely right.

Seriously.


But just for fun, I did a little research at songfacts.com and have concluded that though the tune and the harmonies are overwhelmingly beautiful, the words spell out a sad, sad tale.

Stephen Stills wrote the song as he was trying to avoid an impending breakup between Judy Collins and himself. When the song was done, he bought some flowers and went to Collins' house to sing it to her.

Imagine how desperate he must have sounded when he sang words like "It's getting to the point where I am no fun anymore. I am sorry. Sometimes it hurts so badly I must cry out loud, 'I am lonely',"  and "Remember what we've said and done and felt about each other. Oh babe, have mercy," and the perfectly pathetic, "Will you come see me Thursdays and Saturdays? What have you got to lose?"

It makes what Judy Collins said absolutely understandable: "It's gorgeous, but it's not going to get me back."

If this were the Truth Is... blog, this story would be followed up with these wise words: Whiners aren't winners.