Observed Absurdities™ 55 - A Step Beyond "Butthead"

 

A couple months ago, when people were still mostly masking up and the world was longing for a return to what might pass for normal, I was browsing through the aisles of my local drugstore and passed a display for face shields specifically designed for children to wear.

I've never been a big fan of the "poop emoji." I just think it's gross. I don't get why people think it's a cute response to anything.

That being said, imagine my absolute befuddlement at seeing the following design choice for a child's face shield:

The parent who buys this for their kid...did they ever really want children??!?

Observed Absurdities™ 54 - Possibly NSFW

 

When in the need of a little chuckle, I suggest heading over to Facebook Marketplace to behold the wonders for sale there.

So...um...if you buy some ready-made carpentry work from HomeDepot, they give you a virtual apron? Like an apron meme, or what?

Why is this picture attached to a notice for a house being for rent? Is she the landlord? Is she the reason the people who own the house are leaving for a whole month?

Two things:

       1) Do they seriously think someone will pay $50 for a single Cheetoh?

       2) I guess it kind of looks like an ax, but my mind is twisted enough to rotate it clockwise 90 degrees and think it looks like something that shouldn't be printed in a family-friendly humor blog.

Fan Theory About the 443rd Greatest Song of All Time

 

Bob Marley and the Wailers wrote it, but Eric Clapton had the hit with it...and we have yet to truly understand what Sheriff Brown had against Bob.

The long-standing nature of the feud sung about in "I Shot the Sheriff" is right there in the first verse:

Sheriff John Brown always hated me

For what I don't know

Every time that I plant a seed

He said, "Kill it before it grows."

Here's my twisted theory: The singer got the sheriff's daughter pregnant and the sheriff demanded that his daughter have an abortion.

There's no way to know whether the pregnancy was terminated, but apparently, the singer had had enough of the whole situation and decided to claim his freedom and leave town...which the sheriff, for some reason, opposed...and it all ended badly:

Freedom came my way one day

And I started out of town

All of a sudden I see sheriff John Brown

Aiming to shoot me down

So I shot, I shot him down

Still no word on who shot the deputy or why.

If This Is True, What's Baby Powder Made Of?

 

Got to spend the day with SkittleKid and MrSquishy the other day.

I took the opportunity to introduce them to the first and finest animated adventure series ever, Jonny Quest. The timing was perfect. SkittleKid is 10, and I remember watching Jonny Quest when I was 10, sitting in the lobby of the hospital where SweaterGal had just given birth to BabySister...because that was back in the day when visiting hours were strict and mere children were not allowed to visit anybody in the hospital anyway.

The grandsons had an appropriate level of interest and respect for the non-computer, yet highly-detailed graphics, and they even were smart enough to be annoyed with Bandit's constant yapping.

After lunch, they started playing demolition derby with several of the toy cars that reside at our house. While discussing who won and how, they mentioned a banana truck.

Me: Banana truck?

SkittleKid: Yeah, it's full of bananas.

Me: Does that mean the dump truck is full of...dump?

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

I couldn't even get the sentence all the way out before we all collapsed in decidedly immature laughter.

I love being a grampa.

Almost the News XXIII

 

Real headlines. Almosted stories.

City Appoints First Woman as Mayor
In the first political use of time travel, the city council in Eden, North Carolina has replaced the late Mayor Bubba Rotunda with Eve.

Police Chief to Retire
In a show of solidarity with the city's grease monkeys, police chief Hiredtu Katchem changed the tires on all the squad cars.

MPD Training Video Under Fire
In this breaking news, a VHS tape used to train Minneapolis police officers is currently trapped in an alley while being shot at.

6 Charged in Organized Mass Thefts on Black Friday
In a special Black Friday session, the 6 thieves who stole several well-planned masses were electrocuted.

Shooting Survivors Expand Suit Against School
In a dizzying display of quantum physics, a matching set of pants and jacket that is leaning on Oxford High School is growing larger every time an episode of the television series Survivor is shot.

I GOT...Youuu Baaaaaaabe

 

The 444th greatest song of all time, according to Rolling Stone magazine, is Sonny & Cher's "I Got You Babe." After having heard it incessantly during the annual watching of Groundhog Day (still don't understand why they didn't use "The Beat Goes On"), I thought the lyrics could stand a little touching up, considering the passing years and the current climate.

They say we're old; don't have a clue

And Covid's so much worse than just the flu

Well I don't know if they've got it right

My aches and fever keep me up all night

Babe

I got flu babe

I got flu babe

They say cooking is just a waste

Before it's through, I'll lose my sense of taste

I guess that's so if that's what I've got

But at least I'm sure to stay close to the pot

Babe

I got flu babe

I got flu babe

I got fever in my head

I need help to leave my bed

And when I'm sad, you're a clown

But when I eat, I can't keep it down

Don't let them say my life is done

I've lived through worse, like the blizzard of '91

Rode bikes with no helmet, drank from a hose

I won't be stopped by just a runny nose

Babe

I got flu babe

I got flu babe

I got you to hold my hand

Plus this cane to help me stand

I got you to walk with me

Speak up when you talk with me

I got you to kiss goodnight

Even though I've lost my sight

I got you, I won't let go

Only you could walk this slow

I got you babe

If I Had Been Cast Instead Of...Part Too

 

With thanks to the Reface app.

...The Red Hot Chili Peppers

...Jeff Daniels

...Chris Evans

...Hugh Grant

...Robert Downey Jr.

...John, Paul, and George

...Will Smith