The Newly Holidayized Hits of the 1980s

 

Having foolishly skipped over the 1980s in last year's transmogrification of hit songs into holiday songs, our editors have gathered here today to oversee the fixing of that grievous oversight.

Crazy Little Thing Called Eggnog  -  ♫♪ This thing...called eggnog...I just...can't handle it ♪♫

I Love a Snowy Night  -  Eddie Rabbitt's winter update to his Number One hit

The Sleigh Is High  -  ♫♪ The sleigh is high so I'm holding on ♪♫

High Fructose and Red Dye 3  -  Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder remake "Ebony & Ivory" for the Christmas candy season

All Night Long (Santa's Ride)  -  ♫♪ Ho ho, my friends, the time has come to land on the roof and hand out fun ♪♫

Born of a Virgin  -  Madonna sings about her namesake

Toybusters  -  ♫♪ When the gift you got...just plain don't work...who ya gonna blame? Toybusters! ♪♫

Greatest Ghost of All  -  Whitney Houston had a huge hit with the theme song to A Christmas Carol

The Sleigh You Make Me Feel  -  ♫♪ The sleigh you make me feel. The gift I'm forced to give. The knockoff bargain bin...♪♫

Walk Like an Egyptian  -  Few people realize this Bangles hit is about the holy family's post-Bethlehem escape

Don't Worry, Be Jolly  -  ♫♪ Here's a little song I wrote to help Santa not slice his throat" Don't worry. Be Jolly. ♪♫

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For  -  U2 laments shopping at the last minute

Rock-n-Roll Disney

 

What if some of the greatest rock acts of all time were bought out by the Walt Disney Company? (With thanks to Dan Piraro's Bizarro comic for the inspiration)

Fleetwood Mickey

Cindiella Lauper sings "Princesses Just Wanna Have Fun"

Winnie the Who

Tinker Swift

Sweet Mysteries of Life

 

...Well...maybe not so sweet...

via GIPHY

Why don't stores that sometimes have Quaker Oat Squares always have Quaker Oat Squares?

Who was the first to wonder about the chucking abilities of a woodchuck?

In the song Why Do Fools Fall in Love?, which came first, being foolish or being in love?

Why is minute spelled the same as minute? (As in, "It took me a minute to find the minute error.")

When I am inching my way backward out of a parking space, obviously unable to see if any other vehicle is approaching because of the cars parked on either side of me, why in the name of Farnsworth would you speed up to place your vehicle directly in my path?

Why is august spelled the same as August? (As in, "The august event will take place in August.")

And while we're at it, why do the words chew, chef, and chemistry all start with the same two letters but different sounds?