Stating the Obvious: The 401st Greatest Song of All Time

 

Rolling Stone said this about "Tonight's the Night":

The Shirelles were teens in Passaic, New Jersey, who formed the group while in high school. Lead singer Owens was nineteen when she co-wrote this hit about romantic surrender, full of Latin-style syncopation and soulful yearning.

What the magazine did NOT say was that "Tonight's the Night" was only one of many titles originally proposed:

• Today's the Day
• This Song Goes Like This
• A Deal's a Deal
• Boys Will Be Boys
• The Past Is the Past
• 'Tis a Wet Rain That's Falling
• Enough Is Enough
• Call Me on the Phone
• Sometimes, a Cigar's Just a Cigar
• I Know What I Know
• What's Done Is Done
• It Is What It Is

Never Hurts to Ask

 

There's no doubt in my mind that policing is a difficult job. Trying to keep our roadways and neighborhoods safe and free from crime is a noble calling.

Every so often, our highly-trained professional law enforcement officers need a little help, and there is no shame in realizing one's limitations and asking for it.

Sometimes that help comes from a concerned citizen. Sometimes, the police are hoping it comes from an ignorant perp.

For instance . . .

The following is a direct quote from a Lakeville, Minnesota police report:

Officers were dispatched to a found property call. Upon arrival, officers were handed a phone. Tucked in the back of the phone was a small baggie with cocaine inside. The phone was damaged, so officers were unable to identify an owner. If you know of anyone who lost their phone recently with a small baggie of cocaine in the phone case, please let them know we have it.

Final Book or Movie in the Series

 

On June 19, 2023, as a #MondayMirth feature on the Almost the Truth™ Publishing Facebook page, I published the following comic, stolen from John Atkinson:

On June 19, 2024, when said post showed up in the page's Memories feed, I thought, "Maybe I could turn that idea into a whole blog post."

And maybe I did.

And maybe there's no better time to post it than on a Friday the 13th.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

Percy Jackson and the Morticians

Spider-man 13: Spidey Gets Raid-ed

The Hardy Boys: The Mystery of the Mixed-up Assisted Living Meds

Star Wars: The Flatulence of the Wookies

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Guillotine

Back to the Future 4 (in which, Marty travels in time to the exact moment he reaches 88 miles per hour and is caught in a chronological Mobius strip)

Malnourished Bird: Hunger's Not Just a Game Anymore

Harry Potter and the Potions Class Fiasco

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the Colon Cancer

Indiana Jones and the Myocardial Infarction

Creative Spelling: The 402nd Greatest Song of All Time

 

In early 1970, Sly and the Family Stone had a Number 1 hit with a song that most of us called "Thank You for Lettin' Me Be Myself Again." Unlike most of the songs on Rolling Stone's list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time, the thing about this song that makes me chuckle and grin is an actual factual true truth.

The spelling of the song's title, as seen on record labels and Top 40 radio hit lists, wins an Almost the Truth Spelling It the Way It Sounds Certificate of Merit.

Behold. . . 

Thank You Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin.

That's just wonderfully creative and leads a guy to imagine a vermin-themed Christmas scene worthy of Disney.

And it's reel, sew reel, sew reel, sew reel...kanyu diggit?