The Poetic Obscurity of Dylan: The 404th Greatest Song of All Time

 

I had never heard Bob Dylan's "Visions of Johanna" before, so I figured if I were going to write about it here, I should lend an ear and decide if it was queer or whether I should steer you readers to draw near without fear, pour yourselves a beer or something more clear, and perhaps offer up a cheer.

And the reason I wrote that opening sentence like that was to give you an example of how Dylan wrote this song. I honestly think he just kept adding phrases, not because they contributed to any kind of overarching, sensible narrative, but because he had thought of another rhyme.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

I gave the almighty artificial stupidity a chance to visualize some of Dylan's supposed imagery:

Louise holds a handful of rain, tempting you to defy it

Empty lot where the ladies play blindman's bluff with the key chain

The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face

Muttering small talk at the wall while I'm in the hall

Jewels and binoculars hang from the head of the mule

And while I'm belittling the man's artistry...you know all those people who do impressions of Dylan speak-singing without carrying a recognizable tune?

Yeah...they're all spot on.

Stuph That Has No Reason Being in My Head, Vol. V

 

The amazing pain-killer Excedrine is just aspirin with caffeine.

I can't listen to Cat Stevens' "Wild World" anymore without being distracted by the clicking sound of the guitar pick.

Silver sliver. Silver sliver. Silver sliver.

The first VHS movie I ever purchased was Honey I Shrunk the Kids, and the purchase was made before we even had a tape player.

The first DVD movie I ever purchased was the box set for all three parts of Back to the Future, and the purchase was made before we even had a DVD player.

New Jersey is the only state that has no rural areas.

If you let a mixture of lemonade and Dr Pepper sit, they will separate, with the lemonade on the bottom.

Two-thirds of Canadians live south of Seattle.

Dewey Does AI

 

Thanks to huggingface.co's AI Comic Factory, I have determined once and for all that the human race has nothing to fear from The Machines.

I gave the technological wonder the absolutely fictional prompt, "Humorist named dewey loses his ability to be funny and resorts to artificial intelligence to write his blog," and the instruction to draw in the style of Superman comics from the 1950s.

Behold the output...

Dewey's comedy career may be going downhill, but his obsession with technology is reaching new heights

[I told Mr. A. I. Technopants to make "Dewey" in his mid-50's with a salt-and-pepper mustache and goatee, but noOOoo. Also, note the strange activity with his right sleeve. And just how many fingers does a person need on their left hand?]

Dewey's desperate attempt at humor has taken a curious turn. Is AI the future of comedy?

[This three-armed visitor from another planet appears to be wearing a red muff. I don't even want to think about what's going on with his deformed hand pinching a 3D laptop screen or whatever the farnsworth that is.]

Dewey's last-ditch effort to revive his career leads him to a coffee house, where he introduces "Haha" to the spiky-haired Artie

[Superman is going to be identified as either Clark Kent or Popeye, where is the thumb that's on the drink between the romantically entwined hands coming from, and don't get me started on the misshapen mob of misanthropes in the background.]

Avocados? A rant from a tuna? Dewey's fresh material leaves Artie bemused without being convinced

[It seems that Superman's chest and left bicep are conjoined. I'm pretty sure everyone's hands are made of Silly Putty, but the really disturbing thing here is whatever is going on with Superman's groinal area...Great Caesar's Ghost!]

When a Bank Lobby Makes You Feel Romantic: The 405th Greatest Song of All Time

 

We've Only Just Begun began life as a bank commercial.

Paul Williams and Roger Nichols were commissioned by an ad agency to write a song that would be played behind visuals of a couple getting married and then driving off into the sunset: "You've got a long way to go. We'd like to help you get there. The Crocker Bank."

The original TV spot with Paul Williams on vocals
https://youtu.be/97X9huy7pHQ?si=dxOJDYkOjd0wUf_S

But what if they wrote a long-form jingle instead of a generic love song?

We've only just begun to save

Fifty bucks each pay period

Compounding interest, we're on our way

We've only begun

Before we order checks we cry

So many styles to choose

Scripture quotes or Looney Tunes?

And yes, we've just begun

Pooling resources is so new to us

What's mine is yours, what's yours is mine

Talking it over just the two of us

Fed savings bonds work out in time

Together

And when the monthly fees increase

We'll clean out our accounts

We'll find a bank with no overdraft charge

And yes, we've just begun