I have created a practically perfect reproduction of myself, with all my idiosyncrasies, beliefs, preferences, and talents intact.
But then, I've told you about my son, ActorBoy, before, haven't I?
The replication process began in the normal biological way, but quickly moved on to introducing him to the finer things in life so he would learn to not only appreciate them as I do, but emulate my infusion of them into the very fabric of my being.
First, there was getting him to fall in love with Skyline Chili...an easy task, considering it is a nectar of the gods.
Second, I had him watch all eleven seasons of MASH so we could revel in the shared appreciation of esoteric quotes like "You oughta be in pictures...wha-wha" and "Here's some shampoo, because we couldn't find any real poo."
Added to these fundamentals were a semi-deification of Dick Van Dyke and a growing fascination with Rhett & Link (Look for me nine minutes into the video that link will take you to.), making the duplication process almost complete.
My crowning achievement, and the true sign that my hard work has been worth it, is when ActorBoy began displaying not only an appreciation for puns but a propensity for them, as witnessed by his creation of the following gem (his idea; my execution. For the uninitiated, the two gentlemen in the picture are the aforementioned Rhett & Link ):
My bid for immortality is safe and sound...and I didn't have to use strands of DNA from bisexual frogs to do it, either. (See Jurassic Park.)
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