Here we are, on the cusp of a new year, never knowing where we're going ("well it's hard to go wrong" -Rich Mullins, "Higher Education and the Book of Love").
And so, a look back at a FaceBook app that ended up being an early Christmas present for many, a source of embarrassment for a few, and a generator of grins and giggles for most. Thank you, Bitstrips, for making the following possible. And have a happy new year!
If you haven't been hanging out at Almost the Truth's FaceBook page, first of all, shame on you; second of all, you've been missing The Morning Games, a series of light-hearted trivial pursuits involving movie quotes, song lyrics, sound snippets, and So Much More; and third of all, you've also missed the weekly status updates affectionately called "Almost the Truthlets."
At least there's a cure for the third...behold:
- You don’t tug on Superman’s cape. You don’t spit into the
wind. You don’t pull the mask off the ol’ Lone Ranger, and you don’t wear
athletic shoes with a double-breasted Chinese silk dinner jacket.
-
- Talking to plants has been proven to make you look like an
idiot.
-
- Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up saying, "How
was I wishing on a star during the day...while I was asleep?!?!"
-
- I've had it up to here with U...and V and W aren't winning
any awards in my book either!
-
- There's a bright golden haze on the meadow...somebody call
the fire department!
-
- Wake up and smell the dried phlegm encrusted on the pillow
of your sorry existence.
-
- Just got accepted into the Sarcastic Men of America
Roundtable Taunting Intelligence Effusing Society (SMARTIES)
-
- #AddaWordRuinaChristianBook
My Utmost for the Highest Bidder
-
- Ooh, I need your gloves, babe; guess you know it's cold. And
if push comes to shove, babe, I'll steal them; I'm that bold.
-
- McDonald's...I'm shovelin' it
-
- We were out on a date in my daddy's car. We hadn't pushed it
very far. There in the road, straight ahead: a large hill; our chances were
dead.
-
- When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that'll
leave a mark.
-
- If you can't say anything nice, at least make sure your
sarcasm is witty.
By the way...what musical group does the above illustration bring to mind?
In a raging fit of boredom, Big Brother, Inc. co-worker, Queen CanDo, sent a few of us BBers the following picture:
Humorous, to be sure, but seeing as how the whole HeeHaw Gang of us had nothing to do, edits were made, subsequent versions were distributed, and we ended up changing the poor thing to THIS monstrosity:
Oh well...beats workin'...
Once again, our heartfelt thanks go out to Uncle John's Bathroom Reader for cluing us in on the following flights of fanciful fact.
- Cleopatra used cucumber juice as a skin lotion.
- Elvis Presley always wore a helmet while watching football on TV. [Safety first, I always say.]
- A German folk remedy: to quiet a teething baby, rub its gums with sheep brains. [Now...how did the Germans ever stumble across this? "I can't take this crying anymore! Hit the kid in the mouth with this open sheep skull!"]
- 26% of American children under the age of two have a TV in their room.
- It costs a zoo five times more to keep a panda than it does to keep an elephant. [Shoot...that bamboo doesn't come cheap, you know.]
- One of the most widely recognized scents in the world is baby powder. [If chalk powder is tiny bits of chalk...]
- In 1994, a man escaped from a West Virginia prison using a rope made of dental floss.
- Sauerkraut was invented by the Chinese. [Apparently, the Germans did something to offend them (probably involving sheep brains), so they wanted to get even.]
- The average carrot has to travel 1, 836 miles to reach your dinner table. [All without a driver's license!]
- There are 40,000 toilet-related injuries annually in the U.S. [Good thing I'm not related to a toilet.]
- The average unwanted can of food sits in the cupboard 2.7 years before being thrown away. [Methinks I may be raising the average on that.]
- With a total of 300 million tires a year, the world's largest tire manufacturer makes the world's smallest tires. We're talking about Lego.
- The Romans wore socks with their sandals. [File under: Ancient Nerds]
- Walt Disney World uses 194,871 miles of toilet paper every year. [That stat just wipes me out.]
