#MakeDisneySciFi

 

What if Walt Disney had been a science fiction fanboy?

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Starship Willie  -  Mickey's first starring role as a swashbuckling intergalactic captain.

Snow White and the Seven Ferengi  -  ♫♪ "Whistle while you floss..." ♪♫

The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Spock  -  Audiences found this one "fascinating."

Alice in Alderaan  -  "Curiouser and curiouser. It's getting quite hot. In fact, I think this place is about to explo--"

Davey Crockett: King of the Final Frontier  -  Fess Parker stars as the famous frontiersman wearing a tribble as a hat.

Peter Pandora  -  ♫ "What makes the blue man blue?" ♪♫

Transporting Beauty  -  An evil fairy's curse renders Auroa unable to stay in one place for more than two minutes without being beamed to a different location.

The Lightsaber in the Stone  -  "Whoso pulleth out this lightsaber of this stone and anvil and can get the blame thing to turn on is rightwise king, born of Darth." 

The Mechanical Mermaid  -  Ariel the Android runs off with a silverware manufacturing unit.

Beauty and the Transformer  -  ♫♪ "Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Megatron, with such a big dent in your rear. Every guy here wants to be you, Megatron, even when stuck in first gear." ♪♫

Observed Absurdities™ 68 - Wyoming Edition

 

A-way back in the middle of last month, Beloved and I took 10 days to drive to, around, and back from the 44th state of the union, Wyoming.

In spite of the fact that Wyoming was the first state to take the progressive step of giving women the right to vote, it is mostly an old-fashioned, hard-core center of GetOffMyProperty individualism.

But that did not keep us from observing some decidedly absurd things during our visit.

Take, for instance, the following storefront sign that refuses entrance to any humans:

Or this confusing bit of mislabeling:

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There was one sight that, while being absurd, was certainly not humorous.

We toured the Heart Mountain WWII Memorial Japanese Relocation Center near Powell, Wyoming. It shed light on a shameful, but mostly forgotten, chapter in the history of the United States...when thousands of Americans of Japanese descent  -  most of whom were U.S. citizens  -  were taken from their homes, stripped of any possessions that wouldn't fit in a single piece of baggage, and imprisoned in thrown-together towns of wood-and-tar-paper barracks surrounded by barbed wire and equipped with armed guards.

One of the most surprising sights at the site was this editorial cartoon, depicting Japanese Americans as potential saboteurs. What was so surprising about it, you ask? The fact that it was drawn by Dr. Seuss!

Green Eggs and Propaganda?

Stating the Obvious: The 401st Greatest Song of All Time

 

Rolling Stone said this about "Tonight's the Night":

The Shirelles were teens in Passaic, New Jersey, who formed the group while in high school. Lead singer Owens was nineteen when she co-wrote this hit about romantic surrender, full of Latin-style syncopation and soulful yearning.

What the magazine did NOT say was that "Tonight's the Night" was only one of many titles originally proposed:

• Today's the Day
• This Song Goes Like This
• A Deal's a Deal
• Boys Will Be Boys
• The Past Is the Past
• 'Tis a Wet Rain That's Falling
• Enough Is Enough
• Call Me on the Phone
• Sometimes, a Cigar's Just a Cigar
• I Know What I Know
• What's Done Is Done
• It Is What It Is

Never Hurts to Ask

 

There's no doubt in my mind that policing is a difficult job. Trying to keep our roadways and neighborhoods safe and free from crime is a noble calling.

Every so often, our highly-trained professional law enforcement officers need a little help, and there is no shame in realizing one's limitations and asking for it.

Sometimes that help comes from a concerned citizen. Sometimes, the police are hoping it comes from an ignorant perp.

For instance . . .

The following is a direct quote from a Lakeville, Minnesota police report:

Officers were dispatched to a found property call. Upon arrival, officers were handed a phone. Tucked in the back of the phone was a small baggie with cocaine inside. The phone was damaged, so officers were unable to identify an owner. If you know of anyone who lost their phone recently with a small baggie of cocaine in the phone case, please let them know we have it.

Final Book or Movie in the Series

 

On June 19, 2023, as a #MondayMirth feature on the Almost the Truth™ Publishing Facebook page, I published the following comic, stolen from John Atkinson:

On June 19, 2024, when said post showed up in the page's Memories feed, I thought, "Maybe I could turn that idea into a whole blog post."

And maybe I did.

And maybe there's no better time to post it than on a Friday the 13th.

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Percy Jackson and the Morticians

Spider-man 13: Spidey Gets Raid-ed

The Hardy Boys: The Mystery of the Mixed-up Assisted Living Meds

Star Wars: The Flatulence of the Wookies

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Guillotine

Back to the Future 4 (in which, Marty travels in time to the exact moment he reaches 88 miles per hour and is caught in a chronological Mobius strip)

Malnourished Bird: Hunger's Not Just a Game Anymore

Harry Potter and the Potions Class Fiasco

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the Colon Cancer

Indiana Jones and the Myocardial Infarction

Creative Spelling: The 402nd Greatest Song of All Time

 

In early 1970, Sly and the Family Stone had a Number 1 hit with a song that most of us called "Thank You for Lettin' Me Be Myself Again." Unlike most of the songs on Rolling Stone's list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time, the thing about this song that makes me chuckle and grin is an actual factual true truth.

The spelling of the song's title, as seen on record labels and Top 40 radio hit lists, wins an Almost the Truth Spelling It the Way It Sounds Certificate of Merit.

Behold. . . 

Thank You Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin.

That's just wonderfully creative and leads a guy to imagine a vermin-themed Christmas scene worthy of Disney.

And it's reel, sew reel, sew reel, sew reel...kanyu diggit?

Observed Absurdities™ 67 - Whine List

 

My current employment situation allows me the wonderful opportunity to work from home almost completely. The only time we have to come into the office is when someone higher on the food chain is visiting from England...the land wherein resides the company that bought our company.

On those few occasions when we are enjoying each other's company on company premises, we often have lunch together as a team at a local eatery.

At a recent lunch gathering, the restaurant of choice featured Thai food and a snooty wine list.

It was the wine list that hit me squarely on the funny bone...to the point that I could barely control myself to be able to order.

This is an actual picture of the actual wine menu:

• "Flavors of ripe cherry smoked meats"  -  A meat-flavored drink? Ewww.
• "With a velvety finish"  -  (Velvet: a fabric of silk, nylon, acetate, rayon, etc., with a thick, soft pile formed of loops of the warp thread.) So you're telling me that drinking the Guenoc Pinot Noir will coat my tongue?
• "With a juicy mouthfeel"  -  Forget about completely making up the word mouthfeel, is there any way for a drink to not feel juicy?
• "Soft and round"  -  Most liquids are soft, I get that, but round? Round??!?
• "Full of chewy tannins"  -  (Tannin: any of a group of astringent vegetable principles or compounds.) Can't say I'm looking forward to chewing my beverage, but at least now I understand why they had to call out the juicy mouthfeel.