Thursday, March 27, 2008

50 Ways VII

20. Study geography.
What...was this list written by out-of-work teachers? Get off my back.

21. Put the freeze on identity theft.
I've never really been too worried about identity theft. I'm not all that hot about my current identity, so if somebody wants it...

22.Analyze your investing strategy.
I actually did this before reading this list. The report came back, "Your investing strategy sucks. As a matter of fact, so do you. You can forget about ever retiring, though we are flabbergasted that you're currently even able to hold down a job, you pathetic, sniveling excuse of a goof-wad, you."

23. Hedge your portfolio.
Uhhh...this has something to do with Wall Street and stocks and bonds and "past performance is not a guarantee of future results." So, to tell me to hedge my portfolio is like telling Paris Hilton to excercise her brain-power.

24. Use your mobile phone for everything.
The idea behind this tip for improving our lives in 2008 (from the January 7 issue of U. S. News & World Report) is that the 4-in-5 Americans who have both a mobile phone and a landline home phone could save about half of their communication costs by getting rid of their landlines. In addition, you get the added bonus of being able to get out of a boring conversation with that geeky guy from work by saying, "What? Hello? You're breaking up," then snapping your Razr shut and keep driving.

25. Switch to geothermal heating.
Finally! A positive twist to the whole global warming crock!

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