Leonard Skinnardsen: The 398th Greatest Song of All Time

 

What if The Sons of Norway did the 398th greatest song of all time instead of Lynyrd Skynyrd?

We play Duck Duck Grey Duck
While detractors raise a din
They insist it's Duck Duck Goose
Back in the land where they've been
And I think it's a sin, yes

Well I heard Frank Sinatra sing about her
Well I heard Chicago's a toddlin' town
Well I hope Old Blue Eyes will remember
A northern man don't need him around anyhow

Sweet home Minnesota
10,000 lakes maybe more
Sweet Home Minnesota
Loons a-callin' on every shore

In Minneapolis they love the Lutherans
The Catholics kind of own Saint Paul
But the way we drink every weekend
You'd wonder if we believe at all

Sweet home Minnesota
Mosquitos are our official bird
Sweet Home Minnesota
And uffda's clearly our favorite word

Now Paisley Park has got the TAFKAP
Making hits, more than a few
Got me clapping hands on two and four
Which Scandahoovians seldom do
Now how 'bout you?

Sweet home Minnesota
Where it's winter 6 months a year
Sweet Home Minnesota
Gotcha wonderin' why you moved here

Stuph That Has No Reason Being in My Head, Vol. VI

 

You know how the character Raj on The Big Bang Theory couldn't talk in the presence of women and how fake that seemed? That's a real condition called selective mutism and was based on a former co-worker of one of the creators/executive producers of the show.

The author of The Giving Tree, Shel Silverstein, wrote a lot of songs, several of which became radio hits for other artists, e.g., Boy Named Sue (Johnny Cash), Cover of the Rolling Stone (Dr. Hook & the Medicine Show), One's on the Way (Loretta Lynn), and The Unicorn (Irish Rovers).

Maybe I should write a book titled Crying at Sunrise: Mourning All Morning.

A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.

In the movie Jaws, Sherriff Brody's classic line after seeing the shark for the first time, "You're gonna need a bigger boat," was an ad lib by the actor, Roy Scheider.

Paul Lynde was once pulled over for driving on the sidewalk. The traffic cop flipped open his pad to write the ticket and Lynde said, “I’ll take a cheeseburger, hold the fries.” (And the cop chuckled and said, “Get outta here”!)

I have a cough that's so rough it ought to have brought the tree's bough through a dollop of dough.

Inspirational Science Fiction Westerns

 

Saw this sign at the library and thought, "Now THERE'S a fairly specific genre!"

How many titles could there possibly be on that shelf?

• Start with Why the Matrix Reloaded Rio Bravo
• Tuesdays with the Man Who Shot Mad Max
• Planet of the Blazing Saddles Less Traveled
• Back to the Purpose-Driven Assassination of Jesse James
• Star Wars: The Magnificent Seven Can Heal Your Life
• Butch Cassidy and the Last Lecture of Kahn
• Man's Search for Close Encounters of True Grit
• The Untethered Jurassic 3:10 to Yuma
• The Good, the Bad, and the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Terminators

Pleasant Dreams? : The 399th Greatest Song of All Time

 

Being a non-fan of heavy metal and hard rock, I had never heard "Enter Sandman" by Metallica. So, I looked up the lyrics. They start out like a pleasant lullaby, but quickly get a little creepy:

I tuck you in, warm within

Keep you free from sin

Till the Sandman he comes

Sleep with one eye open

Gripping your pillow tight

As if the driving drumbeat, fuzzy guitar, and gravel-filled vocal weren't enough, they up the nightmare inducement in the second verse:

Something's wrong, shut the light

Heavy thoughts tonight

And they aren't of Snow White

Dreams of war, dreams of liars

Dreams of dragon's fire

And of things that will bite

As I was reading these words, I thought, "This is as bad as 'Now I lay me down to sleep...If I should die before I wake'." Then I saw that Metallica quotes that What-Were-They-Thinking prayer as part of the bridge.

But wait! There's more!

Hush little baby, don't say a word

And never mind that noise you heard

It's just the beasts under your bed

In your closet, in your head

At this point, I wonder why they stopped there. They could have lengthened the tune with even more childhood fears:

London Bridge is falling down

Jack fell down and broke his crown

Be you alive, or be you dead

I'll grind your bones to make my bread

Best beware of the farmer's wife

She'll cut off your tail with a carving knife

Ashes, ashes, all fall down

You'll be six feet underground

Almost the News XXX

 

Real Headlines. Fake News.

EV Maker Tesla Breaks Ground on Megapack Energy-Storage Battery Factory in Shanghai
Local officials are baffled why Tesla would bother throwing clods at the Shanghai facility instead of just using a hoe.

Red Knights Down Defending Champs
Boys lacrosse coach, Runnit Uhgin, said, "The hardest part was liquefying the other team, but then it was just chug-a-lug!"

Gulf Coast Braces For Flooding
A loose-knit association of northwestern Florida orthodontists has released a statement favoring high water levels.

Attorney General Says Flawed Youth Charity Will Dissolve
"Just watch as I drop it in this vat of water."

Islamic State Group Says It's Behind Knifings in Germany
...but it's trying to catch up.