Don't Do This in the Guy's Restroom

Having a personal sense of responsibility and duty can be risky sometimes.

Example...

While on duty at my part-time job at a FastStop convenience store/gas station/cigarette emporium, I needed to visit the little blogger's room to "powder my nose."

As I stepped up to the floor-length drain-your-bladder station, I noticed a piece of wet paper toweling in the bottom of said station. I was going to ignore it, but heard my conscience whisper, "Why should you leave that for some other co-worker to pick up?"

I sighed, took a half step back, and bent over to pick up the bit of trash.

It was then I was reminded the urinals at FastStop are automatic flushers.

Amazing how cold that water is.

Observed Absurdities™ 44 - Killing Them With Kindness

It's always a fun excursion into what-the-farnsworth-land when you step into the Stuff For Dogs aisle.

A recent trip to Tarzhay allayed my fears about the ethical treatment of the cows whose parts are used for gnawing purposes by the canines of the world.

Behold...

I have no idea which particular tendon or bowel obstruction these "Bully Sticks" are made from, but it's nice to know the cows they came from were contentedly singing "Home, home on the range. Where the deer and the antelope play"...

...just before they were killed.

Good form! Bully! Quite!

Desmond Tutu: Almost the 494th Greatest Song of All Time

"Desperado" was the first song that Don Henley and Glenn Frey collaborated on. Henley had started it five years earlier, but Frey took the rough beginning and gave it structure and, judging by these original lyrics recently unearthed, also contributed a degree of sanity.

Desmond Tutu, why don't you get colored lenses?

You been out wearing fezzes for so long now

Oh, you're a dark one

I know that you got genetics

But your robes, so pathetic

Can hurt you somehow

Don't you diss the queen of England, boy

She'll beat you, 'cause she's able

You know the Mississippi Queen is way more fun

Now it seems to me, you'll never steal

A role from old Clark Gable

In fact, I'm sure your acting gigs are done

Desmond Tutu, each day you're just getting older

Your good looks that smoldered, have been driven away

And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just a word with seven letters

Your prison is better than a Motel 6 stay

Don't your feet grow mold in the summertime?

The wind won't blow and the rain don't shine

It's hard to tell the night time from the day

You're losin' all your highs and lows

Ain't it funny when you blow your nose away?

Desmond Tutu, why don't you learn to speak German?

Come down from your Sherman, get out of your tank

It may be rainin', but you could do with a shower

You better use Dial's power (use Dial's power)
You better use Dial's power to get rid of your stank

Santa Priest

I know we're not in The Most Wonderful Time of the Year anymore, but I couldn't wait until December to tell this story.

This past December, I had my first experience of playing Santa. It was at a smallish real estate firm that was having a Christmas open house for their employees and clients. They offered free pictures with Santa (yours truly) and ornament making and coloring and cocoa and a snowblower giveaway and I had an absolutely fantabulous time.

Semi-interesting side note: The word "fantabulous" first appeared in print during the year of my birth. And by the way, I don't put a lot of stock in coincidence.

Different children have different reactions to seeing Santa up close and personal.

Some are in awe.

Some are in tears.

Some are shy.

Some are smitten.

And some consider it an almost religious experience, apparently. Case in point, the little gal pictured above planting a big one on my cheek. She came running up to me, gave me that kiss, settled into my lap, and got her official picture taken.

I then asked her if she had a special Christmas wish. She pulled her head down into her shoulders, leaned in close to me and practically whispered, "Sometimes, at school...(looking up into my eyes)...I pick my boogies."

I think she thought she was at her first confessional or something. And she wasn't done.

"And sometimes, even eat them!"

I told her to recite two Jingle Bells and leave me an extra plate of cookies.

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Extra treat: my favorite picture of the morning...