These are ALMOST television classics...
- Game of Tomes - An epic tale of deceit, murder, and mayhem, while one family after another fights for the keys to the local library
- Bar Trek - Their mission, to boldly go where no one has been drunk before
- Fiends - A group of people who are really mean to each other drink a lot of coffee
- Steinfelt - A stand-up comedian in New York City chooses the wrong material from which to fashion a mug for his beer
- M*E*S*H - The merry mix-ups that occur in a stockings factory
- The Pig Bang Theory - Supplying weapons to swine is never a good idea
- Steers - There's a ranch a-way out west where everybody knows your name
- Handy Griffith - Southern sheriff gets arrested on molestation charges
- Saturday Afternoon Live - Live feeds from across America of people mowing their lawns, shopping, and taking naps.
- 44 Minutes - All that's left of an hour after the commercials
- dirtysomething - Drama about baby boomers working in a laundry
- Buffy the Spider Slayer - Teen queen exterminator
- Stall in the Family - A rest room attendant wishes his meathead son-in-law would take over the family business
While working on last week's homonym-laden list of New Year's resolutions, I started getting curious about several things:
- Is the son of a tailor called an alter boy?
- If you eat minnows, will you get baited breath?
- When you get evicted from a concert, should you say "I'm with the banned"?
- If you kidnap a girl and her boyfriend, is that called tying things up with a beau?
- How long does a mane need to be in order to make a donkey braid?
- If a baseball batter became a baker, would he make bunt cake?
- In a vegetable rock band, would a beet be the drummer?
- If I needed to sleep on a train, would you be willing to give berth?
- Is a tornado's favorite color blew?
- How many rent-payers standing along the edge of our country would it take to make a boarder border?
- If someone prays to Jesus while trying to get water out of a boat, is that a Christian bail?
This year, I solemnly resolve to:
- Take purposeful steps to lower my wait
- Bless my guitar-playing lumberjack friends with a random ax of kindness
- Cache more cash
- Avoid ail
- Enjoy more fresh heir
- Ade thirsty people
- Joyfully sing allowed
- Be a better bettor
- Increase the size of my salads by a mega-bite
- Be less bored of directors
- Add more items to my collection of pleasing cents
- Take a chance at righting some chants
- Spend more time being awed by things that are odd
