Friday, July 19, 2019

Grossest Films, Part Final


What would the list of the 100 top-grossing films of all time (adjusted for inflation) look like if Almost the Truth had done the final edits? Here's the last 25...

Smokey and the Banjo (1977)  -  Burt Reynolds gets Jackie Gleason to squeal like a pig.
Beauty and the Baste (2017)  -  French girl learns to cook. ♪♫ "There goes the butcher with my roast, like always." ♫♪
Binding Dory (2016)  -  "Somebody got to nail dat girl's fins to the floor."
West Wing Story (1961)  -  ♪♫ "When you're the staff's chief, you're the chief all the way. From your first press conference till they haul you away." ♫♪
Close Encounters of the Turd Kind (1977/1980)  -  Alien primates fling feces at Richard Dreyfuss.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Kidney Stone (2001)  -  This, too, shall pass.
Wady and the Twamp (1955)  -  Elmer Fudd catches his wife with a hobo, even though they were being veeewy quiet.
Lawrence of Arabica (1962)  -  An epic tale of Larry the barista.
The Rocky Horror Spitoon Show (1975)  -  Wear your rain ponchos, friends. This could get messy.
Ricky (1976)  -  A Cuban boxer from Philly goes the distance. "Adrian! You got some splaining to do!"
The Best Tears of Our Lives (1946)  -  Three WWII veterans have a really good cry.
The Poseidon Ad Venture (1972)  -  A luxury cruise ship embarks on a daring public relations scheme.
The Lord of the Wings: The Fellowship of the Buffalo Sauce (2001)  -  How B. Dubs got its start.



Twister (1996)  -  Before Battleship, there was this game-based winner.
Men in Back (1997)  -  Pre-Rosa-Parks public transportation.
The Bridge On That River Guy (1957)  -  River Phoenix gets some dental work in a prisoner-of-war camp.
FormerTrans: Revenge of the Fallopian  (2009)  -  Gender fluidity run amok.
It's a Mad, Med, Mid, Mod, Mud World (1963)  -  Fun with vowels.
Sims Family Robinson (1960)  -  A computer-generated family learns to survive in the real world.
One Chew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)  -  A single-mother bird regurgitates the best she can.
M*E*S*H (1970)  -  It's the stockade for Hawkeye and Trapper John when they make the nurses' shower see-through.
Indiana Jones and the Shirley Temple of Doom (1984)  -  Loveable moppet is turned into a zombie.


Avengers: Age of Teflon (2015)  -  Government officials try to prosecute our favorite superheroes, but they can't get the charges to stick.
Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Scones (2002)  -  Anakin Skywalker throws hard pastries.
Boy Story 3 (2010)  -  Andy goes to college and lies to his mom about his relationship with the Kenner triplets.


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