Friday, March 31, 2017

Almost Hotel California

Went to see former youth group member, Doug Toddless, sing at a local restaurant the other night. We talked to him before he started and found out he was suffering from a cold and a raspy throat. Amazingly, though, when he started singing, you couldn't tell at all...though Beloved and I did notice that he chose to sing a lot of lower-register songs like Elvis, Johnny Cash, and Barry White.

Between sets, I told him if anybody requested Hotel California ("Augh!" he coughed. "No way!") that I would be there to take care of the vocals for him.

Four songs into his second set, I got my chance. Problem is, I figured he would have the words to the song on the iPad he kept looking at and scrolling through. Turns out he was just keeping track of his March Madness bracket, and I was on my own to try to remember all the words.

This was my best effort...

On the dark info highway, You Tube makes me stare
Warm smell of my hard drive, data streams through the air
Up ahead on my monitor, I saw a glowing blue light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I hadn't eaten all night.
There it was on my browser; an ad for Taco Bell
And I was thinking to myself,
"I could do worse; guess I might as well"
So I searched for a coupon, 'cause I just roll that way
There were voices in my brand new earbuds
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to where Google can inform ya
You think it's a private place? (Such a private place)
Just search for your face
Plenty of info that Google can inform ya
What you did last year (What you did last year)
You can find it here

Your mind is def'nitely twisted, both the means and the ends
You're just one of the pretty, pretty boys following trends
How they rate in the rankings, how their tags get them clicks.
Some are dancin' with the stars, some are glued to Netflix
So I called out through Twitter,
"Check out my hashtag"
They said, "We haven't been trending that since your eyes began to sag"
And still solicitors calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...

Welcome to where Google can inform ya
You think it's a private place? (Such a private place)
Just search for your face
They livin' it up here where Google can inform ya
They get their revenue (get their revenue)
From ads they show you

Mirrors for your ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And I said "We are all consumers here, hey, that sure looks nice"
Got a full shopping basket,
Got some food for a feast
Got me three sets of ginsu knives,
Got 50% off, at least

Last thing I remember, I was
Told that I was poor
I had to find a way to cure
My depressing credit score
"Relax, " said the hacker,
"I can fake all the facts.
You can purchase anything you like,
Hey, babe, I got your back! "

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