Friday, November 1, 2013

Mr. Bean to the Rescue

According to @UberFacts (and who would dare doubt that bastion of factitude?), the actor Rowan Atkinson...most well-known for his character, Mr. Bean...once saved a plane from crashing, saving his two children and wife after the pilot passed out.

After exhaustive research (of course, when in research mode, it doesn't take much to exhaust me), I have determined that the incident really did transpire...almost like this:

Mr. Atkinson was being given a tour of the plane and was invited to enter the cockpit. He was having trouble opening the door, and just as he was hitting it with his shoulder for the third time, the door opened and RA fell into the cockpit, not only knocking the pilot forward...putting the small plane into what could be kindly called "a rapid descent", but what most learned professionals would conservatively estimate to be "a nosedive of doom"...but also knocking the pilot well out of the state-of-being widely-known as "consciousness".

A frantic patting of the pilot's hands soon changed to slapping his face, which progressed to shaking him violently; none of which brought the short-term coma to an end. A glass of water was procured from the horrified flight attendant and emptied into the pilot's face. Well, Mr. Atkinson tried to splash the pilot's face, but only succeeded in dowsing the control panel, which immediately began to sputter, spark, and emit an acrid smoke.

Infused with both a sudden and false sense of competency, RA grabbed the plane's yoke (i.e., steering wheel thingy) and pulled it back in an attempt to bring the plane out of its dive. He was immediately successful at having the yoke break off into his hands. Not knowing what to do with the now-useless bit of hardware, he tossed the broken yoke over his shoulder, hitting the hovering flight attendant and knocking her into the previously-superfluous co-pilot's steering wheel thingy, which pulled the plane out of its kamikaze impersonation.

At just that moment, the shorted control panel shut down the engine and the small plane glided safely to a landing in the drive-through lane of a local Taco Juanita.

When the pilot regained consciousness, he had no memory of what caused the incident and bought (mister) bean burritos for everyone involved. Muy bueno!

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