Friday, September 27, 2013

Apparently, This Really Sucks

I was taken aback recently as I was scrolling through a "TV's Most Popular Items" webpage, courtesy of Publishers Clearinghouse and my relentless work at giving God an opportunity to test my ability to handle a financial windfall. In the midst of collections of Huge Hits from various musical genres and a hose that shrinks like a frightened turtle, there was an ad for a mini-marvel called, WaxVac.



While I'm not all that excited about the idea of sticking a vacuum cleaner in my ear, the possibility of sucking my brains out wasn't what threw me off balance. The source of my startle was the marketing phrase used as a headline for the ad: "Help Get Rid of Moisture and Debris"

DEBRIS?!!?


I took the risk of having my idea of what constituted "debris" smashed to pieces and looked the word up at Dictionary.com. The good news is, my understanding of the term was validated:

de-bris [duh-bree]
noun

1. the remains of anything broken down or destroyed; ruins; rubble: the debris of buildings after an air raid.

2. Geology.  an accumulation of loose fragments of rock.

Synonyms: detritus, litter, trash


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The bad news is the thought of needing to suck any of that out of my ear! YIKES!

Friday, September 20, 2013

Funniest. Fact. Ever.

You can thank the Twitterverse for this. And no, I have no explanation as to why I find it so hilarious.

Perhaps it is my perverse twistedness.

Not Common Facts™  @NotCommonFacts
The CIA once spent $20 million on a cat equipped with gear to spy on the Soviets, but it was hit by a taxi.
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Friday, September 13, 2013

Almost the Truthlets, the Third

From the weekly status updates on the Almost the Truth™ Publishing FaceBook page and @deweyroth's Twitter Tweetosity:


  • Every day in every way, I’m getting a little bit older.
  • I’ve got a knows for gnus.
  • Speak softly and carry a big megaphone.
  • Can’t wait for the annual Memorial Day SnowFort Competition!
  • An apple a day gives the grocer his pay.
  • Patty Cake, Patty Cake…Is that Pan’s sister?
  • Late to bed, early to rise, makes you bleary and dark ‘round the eyes.
  • I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I screw it up royally.
  • The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. The lack of a fear of heights is the beginning of one’s downfall.
  • We got Trouble right here in River City; with a capital T, that rhymes with P, and that stands for Pimples.
  • Angelina Jolie announced today that her children are actually animated statues made from tissue farmed from her lips.
  • Permanent Press…apparently means “You can iron this shirt all you want, but these wrinkles aren’t going ANYwhere.”
  • Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! Nope…it’s a bird…definitely a bird…I don’t know…wait…I need to clean off my glasses.
  • Here she comes, just a waddlin’ down the street, singing “Do-wah Daisy Duck, waddling you do.”
  • What’s good for the loose is good for the randier.
  • Do a little dance, make a little soup, get splashed on tonight.
  • When the going gets tough, take a laxative.
  • My memory is so good, I sometimes remember things that never even happened.
  • Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain. I’ve seen stuff burn up and water fall from the sky. I’ve seen rapid oxidation and liquid precipitation.
  • When it pains, it sores.
  • Oh Auntie Em, there’s no business like show business…well…no business I know.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Look Out, Mickey! Here They Come!

In an attempt to slake my readers' insatiable thirst for factual facts, I have recently begun following a few Twitter feeds purporting to tweet actual actualities of an unexpected and surprising nature.

I must say that I was definitely not expecting to read a particular post from UberFacts, and that it certainly surprised me...to the point of not really being convinced of its truthosity. Tell me what you think:

Every night after closing time, Disneyland releases over 200 feral cats to roam the park and keep the rodent population under control.

Are you KIDDING me?!!?



To my way of thinking (now there's a scary thought), this raises several questions:


  • Do they make sure the guy in the Mickey outfit is in the parking lot before The Hunt begins?
  • What happens to all those cats the next morning? Does Disney release 200 wild dingoes?
  • Just where does one go to procure 73,000 feral cats a year?
  • I'm assuming Disney keeps those cats hungry during the day so they'll be motivated to "keep the rodent population under control" at night. Is PETA okay with this?
  • Do you think they play music while this is going on? "WE let the cats out! Meow! Meow! Meow-meow!"