Monday, February 27, 2012

Oscar Tweets


Up till now, me having a Twitter account (@deweyroth) was just a residual happenstance from me saying, “What’s up with all this tweeting I keep hearing about?” Last night, I decided to change all that and committed to sending my personal commentary on the telecast of the 84th Annual Academy Awards into the World Wide Wackfest…140 characters at a time.

For those of you who missed it:

6:57 Central Time - @SteveMartinToGo and I will be keeping you up to speed on the Oscars. Or up to snuff...your vice of choice

Wait...what? I thought the Oscars started at 7:00 Central...There's still 1/2 hour of "ooh your dress is beautiful"? Going to pop corn...

Morgan Freeman could make a subway toilet classy.

Have fun storming' the Fuhrer!

The movie theaters of our youth? Mr. Crystal, did they HAVE movies when you were young?


Great montage


Jennifer Lopez is a great woman of faith...would have to be to believe she's not going to pop out of that dress


They should remake the Wizard of Oz...so Barbra Streisand could play the Cowardly Lion...no make-up required.


8:05 Those huge leaning Oscar torsos are kinda scary.


8:08 - Is anyone else feeling a little guilty for thinking that the Iranian's acceptance speech was a coded message?


No wonder Christian Bale uses an American accent in all his movies...I can't understand a thing he says in his normal voice.


HA! The sound editors made a joke: "Hugo." "No, HUgo."


8:27 - Why do I have to keep seeing that weird thang the Sarah Palin impersonator is wearing?


I was wondering when there was going to be a movie-themed commercial. Way to go, Diet Coke!


Cirque du Soleil's performance was "What it's like to go 2 the movies" Um, yeah...I always have people doing handstands on trapezes @ films


First honest laugh of the show...8:46...thank you, Chris Rock


Rango!!!!!!! yay!


Yes, one and all..."Brave" is looking like a must-see.


Emma Stone is bending over and is still taller than Ben Stiller.


9:10 - How does one become the president of The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences?


9:12 - Sorry, I normally really like Billy Crystal, but he's doing a lot of laughing at his own stuph 2night


That was cool...the musical score winner took time to greet each of his co-nominees before taking the stage.


9:19 - We can send a man to the moon, but we can't convince people they don't need to bend over for the mic to pick up their voices.


Thank you, Angelina Jolie, for standing that way in that dress with those legs.


However, Angelina, your arms are freakishly 2-dimensional.


9:43 - Documentary short film...yeah, yeah, yeah...whatever.


So...were all the nominees instructed to talk about how much they love movies and when they first started watching them?


9:56 - Meryl Streep is presenting the Governor's award. ActorBoy says she's even beautiful without make-up.


Still waiting to see @tomhanks...where art thou, oh bosom buddy?


Watching the In Memoriam segment reminded me of the year the Emmys failed to recognize Larry Hovis' passing. AUGH!


"Sank-Q"


10:25 - Didn't Glenn Close play a man before? (See "Hook" for the guy thrown into the Boo Box.)


Actually, Meryl, over half of America was saying, "Yes, the Academy finally got it right (for a 3rd time)!"


10:36 - The producer of "The Artist" looks and sound like Peter Lorre. I'm just sayin'...


So much pomp &self-importance & so many Meaningful Statements &the show fizzles 2 an end with "Well, that's our show, goodnight everybody"?

Friday, February 24, 2012

Almost the News XV

Author Will Speak to Monthly Lunch
"It's like this," said Michele Hermansen, author of Unexpected Journeys, "When a person only eats a mid-day meal once a month, you kind of want to get to know it a little first."

Man Makes Plea in Beer-Dumping Case
To be specific, the man said, "PLEASE dump that case of beer in my fridge!"

Al-Maliki Bars Breakaway Provinces
The newest chocolate sensation is so popular, pieces of Canada are falling into the ocean.

Elephant Poaching Worst On Record
Johnny W. Muller, regular patron at Dumbo's Diner: "I've been coming here for over a decade and I mean to tell you...I've never had eggs this bad before!"

Ex-leader's Spouse Wins Czech Asylum
The husband of jailed Ukrainian opposition leader Yulia Tymoshenko got the big prize in a recent raffle, and is quoted as saying, "I am likink the building, but what am I supposed to do whit all the crazy peoples livink dair?"

School Aide Gets Jail for Sex with Student, 16
You would think the aide would have gotten a motel room or something. The jail is an odd locale for that kind of activity.

Obama to Return Cash Tied to Mexican Fugitive
Seriously...if I have to explain why this headline made me pee a little, I'm not sure you should be reading this blog.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Geological Oddity at Niagara Falls!

Thursday's Saint Paul Pioneer Press printed an article by Thomas Kaplan of the New York Times: "A tightrope walk over Niagara Falls? Canada says it's OK"

There's probably a joke somewhere to be had about "tightrope walk" and "falls" being in the same sentence, but I'll let that go in favor of expressing shock, amazement, and disbelief about something that came later in the article.

The article itself was somehow cramming all the news covered in the headline into 17 paragraphs. Paragraph Number Nine states: "Wallenda plans to install the wire 60 to 70 feet above the 160-foot gorge, which will dip down in the middle, meaning he'll walk downhill during the first half of the 30- to 40-minute walk and uphill until the end."

Read that again carefully, and -- like me -- you may have two questions:

1) Is it even possible to dip any way other than down?

2) How would stringing a two-inch-thick cable cause a 160-foot gorge to dip in the middle?

Monday, February 13, 2012

Dewey is...

According to the World Wide Wackfest and a Rest in Him Ministry-helping search on GoodSearch.com, I am much more than meets the eye. Observe...

Dewey is best known for developing the theory of instrumentalism, which posits the value of an idea in relation to its practical consequences rather than as a transcendent truth.

Dewey is a cancer survivor.

Dewey is a must read for cat lovers, cat owners, library employees, and anyone who is having a hard time in life and needs some inspiration.

Dewey is adopted!

Dewey is the Welsh form of the masculine name, David.

Dewey is a first-team all-American.

Dewey is about 15 miles south of the Kansas border.

Dewey is new association executive for River Counties.

Dewey is a board certified cardiothoracic surgeon who specializes in the treatment of valvular related heart disease, cardiac transplantation, mechanical assist devices, and complex coronary artery disease.

Dewey is no Mr. Miyagi.

Dewey is a paraprofessional at Rush-Henrietta High School with severe arthritis pain.

Dewey is a year older than me. [Nice trick, eh?]

Dewey is scheduled for a settlement conference, or further case management on Tuesday.

Dewey is better looking than Jeeves.

Dewey is a co-founder of functional psychology.

Dewey is not just a party town.

Dewey is a member of the American Library Association's Hall of Fame.

Dewey is dating!

Dewey is not altogether forgotten.

Dewey is now old enough to be the president of Idaho.

Dewey is a dead man. [True, interestingly enough…see Galatians 2:20!]

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Hello, Earworm, my old friend

This quarter's round-up of insidious melodies...

NOVEMBER

1 – Little Girl (The Beatles) J, P, G, & R at their most homicidal: “I’d rather see you dead little girl than to catch you with another man…You better run for your life if you can, little girl. Hide your head in the sand, little girl. Catch you with another man? That’s the end-duh, little girl.”

4 – Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (Judy Garland) My, my, my…The Season certainly started early this year.

5 – Lay Down Sally (Eric Clapton)

16 – Bad Time to Be in Love (Grand Funk Railroad)

28 – Crocodile Rock (Sir Elton John)

DECEMBER

1 – Hey, Soul Sister (Train)

2 – Midnight Blue (Melissa Manchester) Behold, one of the few times I could actually identify how the morning’s earworm “was planted in my brain.” I heard this classic on the radio during my morning commute yesterday.

3 – It’s Not Easy Being Green (Jim Henson as Kermit) One of the most poignant performances, puppet or personal, of all time. (For the first-ever performance on Sesame Street, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIOiwg2iHio&feature=fvsr)

8 – You Make My Dreams Come True (Haulin’ Oats)

15 – Best of My Love (The Emotions) This is the 1977 disco-ish song, not the 1975 tune by the Eagles…which should give you a clue as to how irritated I’ve been since it popped into my head at 4:30 this morning!

16 – 1, 2, 3 (Len Barry) “It’s easy. (It’s so easy.) Like takin’ candy from a BAYbeeeeee…”

17 – Let’s Get It On (Marvin Gaye)

21 – I Want You to Want Me/All You Need is Love (Cheap Trick/Beatles) My marvelous morning mental mash-up

22 – Theme from “Three’s Company” (Yes, my subconscious is just that annoying.)

26 – Making Room (This is a worship song written by Dave Burkum and Jonathan Miller, two pastors at my church [www.valleycc.org] specifically for this Christmas season.

29 – What a Fool Believes/I’ve Grown Accustomed to Her Face (Doobie Brothers/from My Fair Lady) And if you don’t think this made my morning bowl of Cheerios® a strange experience…

JANUARY

1 – I Can Help (Billy Swan) “If your child needs a daddy…”

5 – Have You Never Been Mellow? (Olivia Neutron Bomb)

11 – Don’t You Worry ‘Bout a Thing (Stevie Wonder)

19 – (Last Night) I Didn’t Get to Sleep at All (The 5th Dimension) While I wasn’t all that happy about having this swimming laps in my head all morning, I was glad to be able to say it wasn’t true.

21 – Every Woman in the World (Air Supply)

25 – In the Mood (Glenn Miller) And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

27 – Running on Empty (Jackson Browne) It’s not a good sign when this is the first thing in your head in the morning.

28 – All Night Long (Lionel Ritchie)

30 – Your Name (Phillips, Craig and Dean)