Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Almost the News XIV

Self-Defense Claimed in Baseball-Bat Killing
The defendant testified that "the bat had a knife and was coming at me! I had no choice!"

ADT Settles with Family of Woman Slain in Bed
The arbitration lawyer said it was an unusual location for a settlement to take place, "but, hey, whatever works."

Fiber One Bars Recalled For Nuts
Sane people, however, will still be allowed to purchase them.

Ventura's Suit Over Search Tossed
Two questions: 1) Why would a search motivate anyone to throw the former Minnesota governor's dapper duds?...and...2) When did Yoda start writing headlines?

Wildfire Destroys 72 Reno Homes
Michael Martin Murphy's hit song spent two weeks at the number three spot back in June of 1975, but last week, when played at an extreme volume, it literally brought the house down...several houses, actually.

Man Gets Four Days For Lewd Conduct
...but that's all. After four days, he has to stop.

Possible Gas Leak Prompts Evacuation
Just another Sunday afternoon at my dad's La-Z-Boy.

No comments: