Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Come and listen to a story...

Here's the set-up: A person ventures out on the World Wide Wackfest (www) and finds babelfish. Said person then types an English phrase, translates it to a foreign language, copies that translation and translates it back to English. The results can be, in varying degrees, humorous, confusing, unexplainable, thought-provoking, and/or meaningless.

In this case, we got a little bit of it all.

The original phrase was: Come and listen to a story about a man named Jed: a poor mountaineer; barely kept his family fed.

The results are printed here for your amusement, bemusement, ceemusement, etc.

Spanish: It comes and it listens to a history on a appointed man Jed: a poor mountain dweller; he hardly maintained his fed family.

Korean: Jed distinction becomes and about the man talk comes and listens closely: The alpinist who is poor; Defended his family fed. barely.

Dutch: Bowl and lustre to a tale concerning people Jed called: a bad mountaineer; hardly its family kept fed.

French: Come and listen to a history about d' a man called Jed: a poor mountaineer; hardly its family EDF kept.

German: And hear to a history over a man, who comes Jed is called: a poor mountain climber; its family Fed hardly held.

Greek: Come and you hear a history for a individual that is named Jed: one poor mountain as soon as it kept his family feeding.

Italian: It comes and it listens to a history approximately a called man Jed: a poor mountain climber; to mala pain he has maintained its family fed.

Japanese: Jed name can be listed, the story concerning the person it comes, hears: Poor mountain climber; That family fed. was maintained at last.

Russian: It comes and listens to the story about the named person Of jed: poor mountain climber; barely held in control its FED. family.

Chinese: Comes and listens about a person's story to name Jed: A pitiful mountaineer; Had not retained his family fed nearly.

Portuguese: It comes and listening a history on a nominated man Jed: a poor alpinista; it badly kept its fed family.


Awww...poor alpinista...(any relation to Al Pacino?)

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

When a Facebook Status Goes Rogue

I really don’t know what causes these things, but let me assure you that I am not making up or almosting the truth about anything that follows. (None of the names have been changed, because nobody’s innocent.) All I did was change my FaceBook status to:

They laugh alike, they walk alike, at times they even talk alike

That’s all it took to inspire the following flurry of comments.



Stephanie Caro They're cousins! Identical cousins, and you'll find ...

Tom Cash ‎"One pair of matching bookends, different as night and day." Man, the Patti Duke Show theme music had to be dug up from the moldy-oldie file. I can't believe I remembered it. We are old.

Leslie J. Sam Helgerson Cookie Monster and Grover?

Dewey Roth SamWise: Close. It's actually Yoda and Grover.
"The Other" Tom Cash wins an "I Knew the Show Title and Still Managed to Include Dewey in a Sweeping Statement of Truth" award.

Tom Cash ‎"The Other" Tom Cash? I thought I was one of a kind!

Dewey Roth Well, you're not the Tom Cash that sang "Take This Job and Shove It."

Tom Cash That was Johnny Paycheck!

Dewey Roth All these years, I've been so very wrong.
But there IS a country singer who stole your name, right?

Theresa Burdette Hagaman You know it still plays on satellite TV - good as ever

Tom Cash Tommy Cash is Johnny Cash's youngest brother. He recorded some singles and albums, but never made it big. His best known song is "Six White Horses" (released in 1969), a tribute to John Kennedy, Martin Luther King, & Bob Kennedy. My personal favorite: "I Didn't Walk the Line" (1965)!

Dewey Roth T-Girl...Beloved and I borrowed the DVDs from the library. It's surprising how FEW plotlines had anything to do with their physical similarities.

Leslie J. Sam Helgerson Tom — When you wrote "...a tribute to JFK, MLK and Bob Kennedy," I thought "Bob Kennedy? How did the game-show host from "Split Second" get into that group?"
Man, things are sure entertaining in my head!

Tom Cash Clarification: John F. Kennedy; Martin Luther King, Jr.; and Robert F. Kennedy!

Dewey Roth SamWise...you're thinking of Tom Kennedy, who also hosted "You Don't Say!"

Dewey Roth ‎...which I loved

Tom Cash You don't say!

Leslie J. Sam Helgerson Dewey — Yes. I know. That's why it struck me so funny. Like that old song "Abraham, Martin, and Wink."

Susan Woodcox Kasdorf But they’re cousins.....identical cousins

Dewey Roth ‎...in every way

Barry Gordon PARENT TRAP meets PATTY DUKE...
Margaret Hamilton as Maid / Mrs. Williams...2 episodes

Apryl Dunshee Haden I have no idea what all you old people are talking about...

Leslie J. Sam Helgerson I like the part where Ben-Hur puts the girls in the back seat of his talking car and drives the girls across the parted Red Sea to visit Mr. T, with Bill Bixby riding shotgun. Or something like that.

Tom Cash That only happened after My Favorite Martian employed Mr. Ed, the talking horse, to take Wally and the Beaver to Mork from Ork, who proceeded to get the entire bunch Lost in Space. When Edith Bunker heard about it, she told Archie, who immediately blamed Meathead. Or something like that.

Dewey Roth Jane! Help! Stop this crazy thing! Help! Jane!

Leslie J. Sam Helgerson It's Alive!

Kevin Williams ‎...as different as night and day

* * * * * * *

All of which culminated with Leslie J. Sam Helgerson posting on his own wall:

Headline: Facebook status takes on life of its own
Philosophers, Mathematicians perplexed by non-sequitur responses
Congress to investigate, cites possible copyright infringement


With friends like this, who needs television?

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Almost the News XI

Teacher Charged with Choking Students
It was decided that charging the choking students by themselves would be too lonely for them. You know, "misery loves company" and all that sort of thing.

Cows Put Down After Escape
The cows that had wandered away from their overturned truck on Interstate 90 were rounded up in quick order and treated to a tongue-lashing that would have made Don Rickles proud: "What's your problem, udder-face? Been eating your own pies? And seriously, this is not the season for leather."

Horse-Boarding Operation Gets OK
Oklahoma officials were shocked at the news today, and released this statement: "We don't really know what horse-boarding is, but it's bound to be WAY worse than waterboarding, and that certainly raised a stink."

Business Group Loses Director
"It was the strangest thing," says assistant director, Arnold Benedict, "he was sitting right there just a minute ago. We took a break to refill our coffee urn, and now nobody can find him."

Gophers' 14-Point Lead Disappears
"It was the strangest thing," says assistant coach, Jordan Michael, "it was sitting right there just a minute ago..."

Police and Military Sweep Tahir Square
...because, apparently, neatness counts.

Who Belongs on Met Council
...because, apparently, they need a pinball wizard or two to make those digit counters fall.

Four Middle-Schoolers Take Top Math Honors
...and they say they won't give them back until the lunch room serves cherry pi.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

What's in a name?

The Roth dinner table has never been accused of being boring. In fact, some folks find the frivolity frightfully frantic.

What? Doesn't everybody sing during supper?

One can't help but head toward hilarity when one's mind works like...well...like what happened the other evening...

Beloved had made some chicken noodle soup, but didn't have enough chicken-broth-making stuff for a whole pot, so she supplemented with some beef bouillon. KayJay noticed the blend of tastes and brought the above truth into the open.

"You got beef in my chicken," said I.

"You got chicken on my beef," offered Beloved.

KayJay rounded it out with, "Two great tastes that taste great together!"

It made me wonder what such a meal should be called. "Cluck and Chuck" was the first thing that came to mind, even though it made no sense to KayJay because she had no idea there was such a thing as a chuck roast.

"Actually, " I ventured, "that would be a good name for a restaurant that specializes in both chicken and beef: Cluck-N-Chuck."

It was only after saying it a few times that we realized what a marketing fiasco it would be to give a restaurant a name that sounds like people getting sick by eating there.